Science Jokes

A computer scientist is walking through the woods He finds a frog. The frog says ""Hey! I'm a princess cursed into being a frog. Kiss me and I will turn into a person!"" The computer scientist puts her in his pocket. ""You idiot! Kiss me and I will turn into a princess who will marry you!"" protests the frog The computer scientist replies ""I have no interest in marriage, but I've gotta admit that a talking frog is pretty cool""

A scientist is sat at the bar when a scruffy hobo sits down next to him... ""Hey buddy, are you that scientist feller?"" ""... Yes I am. Is there something I can do for you?"" The hobo pulls something out of his pocket. ""I've found this marvelous material that's tough like plastic, stretchy like rubber and sticky like glue."" He hands it to the scientist. ""Why, yes!"" says the scientist ""This is quite a remarkable material. Wherever did you find it?"" ""My nose.""

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SCIENCE JOKE A NEUTRON WALKS INTO A BAR AND ASKS THE BARTENDER AND SAID, ""HOW MUCH DOES A DRINK COST?"" The bartender replies "" For you no charge.""

I told my physics teacher I had a problem with gravity. But he told me to drop it.

Two scientists walk into a bar and the first scientist says ""I'll have H2O"" The second scientist says ""I'll have some H2O too."" The bartender says to the second scientist ""Were all out of H2O2. May I interest you in anything else?"" The second scientist thinks for a little while ""Hmmm... Na."" The second scientist dies.

Joke challenge What's the best mad scientist joke?

A Joke I Thought Up in Stats Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%? It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

I had an argument with me Chemistry teacher today. I threw some NaCl at him and he yelled; ""HEY, THATS A SALT!""

Terrible Chemistry Joke Timmy was a Chemist But now he is no more What he thought was H2O Was H2SO4

Chemistry Just saw a chemistry pun. I'd try to tell one myself, but all the good ones argon.

Pavlov's science in action. My dogs hate the sound of the smoke detector. They are absolutely terrified of it. In fact, they are so afraid of it, that every time my wife turns on the oven, they go run and hide.

TIL that there is a subreddit dedicated to praising Nancy Grace for her contributions to modern medical science. LOL! Not really, no. She is a bad person, and should feel bad.

Why did Walt and Skyler get divorced? There was no chemistry.

I hurt my foot a few days ago Tripped over the stairs and partially separated my left big toenail. It's getting better, but it still hurts a fair bit. Yesterday I was walking to class with a female friend of mine who's a cell biology major. I hadn't told her yet about what happened, so eventually she said ""So why are you limping, anyway?"" I turned to her, looked her straight in the face, and without missing a beat, I said: ""My toe, sis!""

So, a middle school science class is learning about genetics and the students are working with recessive and dominant eye colors in punnett squares. A few minutes into the activity one student beckons the teacher over. He has a very concerned look on his face. The teacher is a little worried. This has happened before. Every once in a while a student realizes that he is adopted or his dad isn't who he thought. The teacher hesitantly walks over to the concerned student, ready to have a difficult c…

Why did the sweet toothed scientist blow up his monkey? He wanted some Rhesus pieces.

How did the scientist like his guacamole? With lots of Avogadro!

I think my chemistry teacher is anti-semetic He asked me to find the pH of the final solution.

How do they like their eggs? How does the female like her eggs? * *Fertilized* How does the male like his eggs? * *Overeasy with a side of hashbrowns* How does the scientist like their eggs? * *Unboiled*

Two astrophysicists So two astrophysicists are traveling through the galaxy, when a miscalculation ends up pulling them into a black hole. Certain doom seemingly imminent, but seeing a final burst of hope in using the FTL drive to blast them forward before reaching the event horizon, the first scientist sets into a frenzy, turning knobs and pulling levers in a desperate attempt to get out alive. He then notices the second scientist, who, instead of working into a frenzy of button pressing, is ex…

Physics Joke A mountain climber goes out drinking with his friends. He starts complaining ""My wife called me annoying last night! She compared me to a mosquito."" His buddy responded. ""You know what they say. You can't cross a vector with a scalar.""

A woman entered her daughter's room and found a letter ""Dear mom I hate to tell you this, but I escaped with my new boyfriend. He's sweet guy although people judge him because the rings on his ears and nose, and his many tattoos and his big bike. I'm also pregnant. He tells me that we'll live happy in the forest and have many kids. He also tells me that weed is fine, and we'll grow it for our friends who will give us cocaine. Don't worry, mom. We pray to god that scientist will find a cure for …

I say we take all the bad chemistry jokes and Barium

Artificial Intelligence An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level. To test his program he entered 80 and had a conversation with his Soap Operas. He entered 100 and talked about politics. He entered 150 and talked about nuclear physics. Just to see what would happen he entered a -50 and the computer bumped and belched and s…