Science Jokes

I make terrible science jokes... ...but only periodically.

School assignment One day in elementary school, a young boy was listening to his teacher lecture about English. ""In a word like archaeologist or scientist, the letters i-s-t at the end mean that the words are talking about a person who does something a lot or is really good at it."" Then the students had an assignment. ""On a piece of paper, write down 'I can't wait to become a _______', and fill in the blank with whatever you want to be really good at and do all the time when you grow up."" Al…

What do you do when a scientist dies? You barium! ba-dum-tss

Chemistry Students will understand An AP Chemistry class is listening to their teacher give a lecture on equilibrium. The class is having trouble understanding how to solve problems using the ICE method. So, the teacher pulls out a huge packet full of ICE questions for them to do as classwork. The class painstakingly works through the packet, hating life a little because of the tediousness. Finally, one of the students yells out ""All this icing, we might as well bake a cake."" Another student r…

Giant methane storms on Uranus Ex-post from r/science

Good morning class, science is our lesson for today. Teacher: What is science? Student: Me Ma'am! Me! Teacher: Ok Pedro! What is science? Student: science is our Lesson for today.

Two brothers in a village So there were two brothers who lived in a little village with their parents. The older brother had a cat, and what a beautiful cat it was! He loved his cat, absolutely adored it. So one day the older brother's boss told him that he had to go on an assignment to the capital city for the weekend. The older brother would have to give a presentation to some very important people in the company and if he went and did well, he would get a promotion, but if he didn't go, he wo…

[jokes allowed]Giant methane storms on Uranus Appereantly you can joke around in r/science [original link](http://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/2ybgx8/giant_methane_storms_on_uranus/) Here you go!

Serious top linked post on /r/science made me laugh: ""Giant methane storms on Uranus"" Original link: http://phys.org/news/2015-03-giant-methane-storms-uranus.html

What did one atom say to the other? Thank you for your help in this matter!

Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free. (Stolen from my science textbook)

Science joke Ok, if you don't get this, you have no humour. You also need some science background to get the joke. Two atoms are walking down a road. One atom says to the other ""I think I just lost an electron"" The other atom replies ""are you sure? "" The atom says ""I'm positive ""

British corn maze scientist found out...

A chemistry lab is like a rave some drop acid and some drop base.

Two scientists walk into a bar.... The first scientist tells the bartender he will have some H2O. The second scientist tells the bartender he will have some H2O too. Several minutes later, the second scientist is dead.

New metals are added to chemistry A new metal is added to chemistry: NAME - Husband SYMBOL: - Hb ATOMIC WEIGHT: 1. Light when found first 2. Tends to get heavier over the years with time PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Boils at any time with inlaws 2. Can freeze in front of his own family 3. Melts if sees other women 4. Very bitter if questioned CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Very reactive 2. Highly unstable 3. Possesses strong resistance to gold, silver, diamond, platinum, credit cards and cheque books …

What career choice to hippies usually pick? Chemistry, because there is lots of acid involved.

Here's how science works..,, if it's not your idea you think it's insane. Thank you, I'll be here all night! #science #joke

Not to get technical But according to chemistry alcohol is technically a solution

Son just wanted to remind Dad that there are worse things in life than.... A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, ""Dad"". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wan…

Because of my cake here are a few physics jokes... 1.) Two kittens are on a roof which one falls off first? The one with the lowest mew. 2.) what happens to electrons and they lose all the energy? They become Bohred 3.) People call me lazy but I am just overflowing with potential energy. 4.) Did you hear about the man that was cooled absolute zero? He is 0k now. 5.) I hear Chemistry jokes periodically, but Physics jokes have more potential. 6.) My Chemistry teacher threw Sodium Chlorite at me, i…

Some recent grads having a beer.. Three guys, Mike, Dave, and Doug were at a table in a bar enjoying some beers and conversation. A stranger came by and asked if he could join them and was immediately welcomed. After about an hour of lively conversation the stranger said, ""I can tell you are all recent college grads. I bet I can guess where each of you went to school."" ""That would be interesting,"" said Doug, ""I'd like to see how you could do that."" ""Well, Mike here, he's Harvard. That's e…

The Scientist, The Priest, and The Philosopher A scientist, a priest, and a philosopher walk into a bar. The philosopher questions the nature of bars and thinks about how bars tie into our primitive human nature. The priest, almost intoxicated with a recent smack on his head, considers the bar a gift from God and deems it an omen. The scientist, observing the results, ducks.

Funny Albert Einstein Joke (not mine) An old, funny joke - I think I saw it on reddit a while ago, but haven't seen it in a while - so here it is: When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. ""I h…

I like my women how I like my fish, battered I thought it up in science, so I hope it is a new joke(hopefully) :)