Science Jokes

I hope this becomes the first thing that shows up on Google for University of Arizona. The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the st…

What is your favorite biology joke?

chemistry a male and female atom are in a bar. the male goes to the female and makes a terrible pickup line for her. somehow it worked and it didn't take long for the chemistry to start.

mother's milk Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is al…

Atomic physics humor. Two atoms are sitting in a field of ionizing radiation. One atom says, ""I think I lost an electron."" The other says, ""Are you sure?"" [The first atom says, ""I'm positive!""](http://community.us.playstation.com/t5/image/serverpage/image-id/124673i70DA5E968937995F?v=mpbl-1)

physics gives me a large hadron.

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive. He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage: The Spaniard will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of shelter. And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies. A year passes on the island and the billionaire returns to find only the Spaniard and American left. ""Wh…

Steve had been fixated on a pendulam locked in perpetual motion in the physics lab for hours when suddenly it hit him... He broke his nose and right cheek bone and took him 3 days in hospital to recover.

Whilst at college I did experiment with marijuana. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail. ^-- ^Ed ^Byrne

Chemistry joke If you can't helium or curium, then you barium.

be ""chemistry""ful before you ask for something Two man walk into a bar, first man to bartender, ""Can I have an H2O"" As the bartender tends to the first man, the second man ""That sounds cool, can I have an H2O too"" and they found the second man dead after some time

Physics Joke! Heisenberg is speeding along down an unfamiliar highway when all of a sudden a police car appears seemingly out of nowhere and signals for him to pull over. The officer approaches the car and asks, ""Do you have any idea how fast you were just going?"" Heisenberg replies, ""No, sir. Why?"" The officer says, ""Well, sir, you were speeding, and I'm going to have to give you a ticket."" Heisenberg, annoyed, asks, ""Is this really necessary? I'm going to be late to work!"" The officer …

Science joke: What do you study to learn about acid? A pHD

What did one black hole say to another black hole? Warning! Proto-joke (it needs some work). Ok, so [this post](http://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/29bpmd/scientist_discovered_giant_black_hole_trio/) and [this comment in particular](http://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/29bpmd/scientist_discovered_giant_black_hole_trio/cijl050) in /r/science just served as inspiration for a really, really bad joke. I thought it belonged here. . . . . **Q:** What did one black hole say to the other black …

you stole my electron atom 1: you stole my electron. atom 2: sure? atom 1: positive!

Why can't you believe what an atom tells you? Because they make up everything!

An Experiment Was Done on a Frog An experiment was done on a frog. One limb was cut off from the frog. ""Jump,"" said the scientist. And frog leaped across the table. ""One limb gone: the frog was still able to jump,"" the scientist wrote on his paper. Then he cut off another limb. ""Jump,"" he commanded. The frog still jumped. ""Two limbs gone: the frog was still able to jump,"" the scientist added to his paper. Then once again he cut off another limb and comanded, ""Jump!"" Again, the frog was…

Two chemists walk into a bar... One asks the bartender: "" I'll have some H2O"" The other chemist follows with "" I'll have some H2O, too."" He never made it out alive. *Some chemistry knowledge may be needed :D*

A physics Joke So Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting while Newton and Pascal hide. Pascal runs off and hides while Newton doesn't move an inch. Instead, he draws a square around himself in the dirt. After Einstein finishes counting, he opens his eyes and says, ""Found you Newton! That was easy"" Newton says; ""No you didn't. You found Pascal"" He points down to the square in the dirt. ""One Newton per meter squared""

3 Scientists, an Elephant and a Monkey Try to picture the monkey as curious george. 3 scientists were sitting around the lab getting drunk one day when one turned to the others and asked, ""What would happen if we put a giant cork up an elephants butt for a month?"" Well none of them knew for certain so they decided to try it out. They gathered an elephant and a giant cork together in a cage. The first scientist said, ""I'm not putting the cork up there."" The second scientist said, ""I'm not pu…

No chemistry An enzyme asks a tall, cool glass of milk out on a date. The enzyme takes the milk out to a fancy steakhouse and later to an ice cream shop for dessert. At the end of the night, the enzyme asks, ""So, you wanna come up to my place for some coffee?"" The milk says, ""Sorry, this isn't what I'm looking for. I gouda go,"" and leaves. The enzyme curses under his breath, ""Spoiled bitch.""

An atom is mugged by another atom... A bystander asks if he's OK. ""I think he got away with my favorite electron,"" he answered. ""Oh no! Are you sure?"" ""Yup, I'm positive.""

The corniest Science joke I've ever created.....Behold I was speaking with my science teacher on the 5 senses. The sense of hearing, taste, touch, feel, and sight. He then told me that their is one more sense that all humans have that causes us to laugh, but is different in each of us. Curious of what this ""6th sense"" was, I asked what it was. He told me it was ........our sense of humor

This popped into my head in class the other day... Why do professors like stats and physics students? Because they'll work for p naughts.

When Copernicus said the Earth goes around the sun I don't think he appreciated the gravity of the situation. Science. History. Punnery.