Science Jokes

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell? because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Sheldon - ""I will have fries with that"" Sheldon : ""Leonard, here s the opening joke for our lecture at Berkeley. What do you say to a graduate of U.C Berkeley physics department ? I will have fries with that, because his education has n't prepared him for a career in the sciences.""

FAIR EXCHANGE Two couples go on vacation together. After a week, they are thoroughly bored. The men decide that maybe life will take on new meaning if they change partners. They all agree that it's an experiment worth trying. The morning after the switch, one of the husbands says, ''I'm glad we tried this. It was exhilarating. Come on, let's go in the other room and see how the girls got on.''

I have this weird fungal infection on my leg. I need to get rid of it, but it's kind of growing on me. (Sorry if repost, came up with it in science class today.)

The Robot Bartender A guy goes into a bar and there is a robot bartender. The robot says, ""What will you have?"" The guy says ""Martini."" The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, ""What's your IQ?"" The guy says, ""168."" The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, ""What will you have?"" The guy says, ""Martini"". Again, the robot make…

Nerd Joke A joke told by my physics professor when doing map transformations. A physicist and an engineer are in an experiment. They put them in a room with a pot, a sink and a stove and tell them to boil water. The engineer fills the pot, puts it on the stove and boils the water. The physicist does the same. Now they put them in the same room with a full pot of water. The engineer puts the pot on the stove. The physicist spends 15 minutes looking at the pot, dumps the water out and goes, ""NOW …

So I was teaching my students... ""Now the pOH is simple calculated by pKw- pH, where pKw is 14 at STP. If you have the hydroxide concentration, then you can express it in a logarithmic formula shown as. pOH = -log[ OH^- ]. Remember! [ OH^- ] * [ H^+ ] =1 x10^-14 is useful when figuring out unknown values."" One of my student looks at me all blanked eye. ""I don't understand this at all."" ""You should. I mean, after all it's just basic chemistry!""

Someone called me CIS today(guess they didn't expect me to know chemistry) Someone called me cis today. I don't like being called that so I told them that I was single and I'm open to rotating with different partners so really I'm anti or syn. They didn't laugh. Not sure if bad chemistry or bad joke... :-/

A doctor, a lawyer, and a scientist are arguing about whether it's better to have a husband or a boyfriend.... The doctor says, ""A husband is better for the kids and for your mental health. More stability."" The lawyer says, ""No, a boyfriend is better because a husband can leave and take half your stuff, plus alimony."" Then the scientist perks up and says, ""It's better to have both."" The doctor and lawyer are surprised at their geeky friend and ask why. She pushes her glasses up off her nos…

Computer Science major walks into an English class The Professor says ""Welcome to English 101"". The student panicks. ""What's wrong?"" asks the Professor. ""I missed the first 4 English classes"".

A middle aged man walls into a bar His name is Nathan Abe (initials NA) and he is firefighter, a second later an arsonist girl named Clair Laurence (initials CL)walks into the bar. The two start to hit it off. Eventually they go home together, the next day the mans mom calls. She asks about his love life. He says, ""we have kind of an ironic bond but I think we have chemistry"".

Depressed Scientist Dwayne's a middle aged man who had his doctorates degree in astronomy. He spent his whole life trying to find the secrets of the Universe, to truly find out what Dark Matter is really made of. He struggles and struggles and eventually falls into a deep depression. He gives up and feels defeated, his whole life is a failure.. So he turns off the lights and sits in his office, loads his gun, and sticks it to his temple. Suddenly, right when he needed his friends the most, his c…

Just got a job as a scientist and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on. It was my chemical romance.

What disease does a mad scientist have? boffin spongiform encephalopathy

A new study states we should really be taking in 10x the Vitamin D that is currently being recommended by doctors. Obviously sponsored by Big D. I saw the news on the science subreddit and this is the first thing I thought of. But really, recommending ten times the D? It's begging for it. http://www.newswise.com/articles/scientists-confirm-institute-of-medicine-recommendation-for-vitamin-d-intake-was-miscalculated-and-is-far-too-low

A team of particle physicists ran an experiment for the entire year, and the detector reported exactly fifty two events which they were looking for. They published a research paper called ""Weekly interacting particles"".

Hanging out with 72 virgins I don't understand why islamic extremists will kill themselves to hang out with 72 virgins. I got to do that for 3 years and all I got was a computing science degree. Credit goes to [explosm.net](http://explosm.net/comics/3866/)

Stuck in a time loop a man jumps in to a pool, and enters a time vortex that is in the water, and it brings him back 5 seconds to where he is just launching in to the pool again. He keeps getting soaked over and over again until it starts to hurt. This continues to happen to the point where the water he carries through the vortex (as he keeps teleporting back to the updated timeline) with him is actually building up and flooding the pool. This goes on for a long time. To the other people at the …

I would talk about computer science... But it makes my mother board

What does the scientist say when asked if Invisibility Cloak will be applicated by the military? Yes, but you won't see it any time soon.

I was going to tell a joke in chemistry class today but I couldn't think of one. All the good chemistry jokes argon.

Different strokes for different folks. Three guys are teeing up on the first tee, an engineer, a scientist and a businessman, when suddenly a perfect 10 of a woman walks up and is waiting for them. The businessman looks over and sees and invites her over. She declines. He insists. This goes back and forth until it's obvious he won't take a hint. She says, ""look. Every time I play golf with men then try to give me advice on every shot. It drives me nuts!"" ""Well I promise we won't do that. Come…

I periodically tell chemistry jokes But usually there is no reaction. Probably people are just too noble.

an engineer, a scientist, a mathematician, and a sheep A engineer, a scientist, and a mathematician are riding through Scotland on a train. Looking out the window they see a black sheep. ""Who knew that Scottish sheep were black?!"" exclaims the engineer. ""Now, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves,"" admonished the scientist. ""All we know is that one sheep in Scotland is black."" At this point the mathematician pipes up: ""Hey, both of you are jumping to conclusions. All we really know is tha…

Chemistry Joke Two men were walking through the desert when they came up to a bar. They walked inside, and the one man said to the bartender ""I want some H2O"" and the other man said, ""I would like some H2O too.""