Science Jokes

Want to hear something really fun about science? You would. Nerd.

Science tells us there are far fewer female autists than male... But thanks to the pay gap, there are far more female starving autists.

My chemistry teacher went on a camping trip and died... He was exposed to the elements.

A scientist was playing scrabble with his wife She played ""PINE"", he had ""LMHIOJK"". He played all of his letters at once to form a 8-letter word along with the ""N"". What did he make? H20

If Love is like Chemistry. I am a noble gas.

A physics teacher accidentally walks into the psychology classroom on her first day... Whoops wrong sub

What do you call the science of knives? Cutting edge technology.

A scientists poor life A scientist and his sister are researching cell division online, when the scientist gets up and hits his foot, yelling in pain. The sister asks, ""What's wrong? What did you hurt?"". The scientist says ""Mytoesis""

What did the frozen scientist say? ""It's fine, I'm 0K""

What do you call an exam that a Biology major almost failed? Biodegradable.

my chemistry always told me ""if you're not part of the solution..... then you're part of the precipitate""

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space? A cosmetrologist.

Need help making a joke about Nuclear power plants. (Its about jokes and guidelines/information don't say I can't ask for a joke) I was thinking about Fission and how Nuclear Power Plants have the word plants in them. In biology there is a word for Fission and that means to split into smaller things that eventually produce you again. I am trying to make a witty joke but im really bad at making them. Can someone help me make a science joke about fission that isn't ""gone fission"" or ""fission ch…

If Donald Trump was asked ""If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before"", this would probably be his answer. I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you can imagine. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. Without the discovery of …

My professor just told the WORST physics joke What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito? Nothing, cause you can't cross a scalar and a vector!

Q: What superpower is ruined the most by real world physics? A: The United States of America. Well, I though it was funny! https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/487b9m/what_superpower_is_ruined_the_most_by_real_world/d0hvyj0

A science major says ""What's it made of?"" An engineering major says ""How is it made?"" An arts major says... ""Would you like fries with that?""

Billy was on his phone in Biology class... The teacher got mad and randomly called on Billy. ''Billy! Are you listening?'' yelled the teacher. ''Yea'' said Billy, as he looked up from his phone. ''Ok, can you explain cellular respiration to me?'' Billy looked down his phone and looked back up. ''Sorry, I can't. I don't see my phone breathing.''

Researchers A Czech scientist and a Russian scientist travel to an island populated by bears. After a couple of days of observation they decide to go meet a Guy bear and a girl bear in person. Deciding that the Bear couple are not aggressive they continue. A week later the research company decide to check up on the scientists because they haven't heard from them in a while. The company discovers blood trails from the Bears' home and takes both bears down with tranquilizers. After cutting open th…

Two Guys Walk into a Bar The first one asks the bartender, ""Can I have H2O."" The second one then asks the bartender, ""Can I have H2O too."" The second guy died. My biology professor opened class with this one today.

Paralegal and computer science student notice police shoot citizens in their AI simulation whenever it's almost lunch or a shift change This is horrible they all said. One student said let's put the cops under investigation and do desk work until it's over. More officers started shooting because it was a convenient life. Another said make it so police can't eat or go home for another 6 hours to discourage this. The police then ignore crime around those times and the criminal AI noticed. Crime ra…

I was thinking about making a chemistry joke But all the good ones argon.

A scientist invented a machine which rewinds time People gathered to witness, and the inventor solemnly pushed the button. So time started to go backward..... until the point when the machine was powered.

A scientist wants to prove that blond girls are really dumb So the scientist gathered a room full of blond grils. He asks one to come forward and asks: ""what is 1+1."" The blond girls anwers 2, the scientist says that he has proven his statement. But al the blond girls are saying that she deserves another change. So he asks again: ""what is 1+1."" This time the blond girls answers 3, again wrong says the scientist. But once again all the blond are saying that she deserver another chance. allrig…

Help, I need nerd jokes the average high school student can understand. Something along these lines, Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything.