Science Jokes

So during World War 2, a lot of experiments took place on the front lines; *Doctor Heinfeld*, a leading researcher in Engineering and Biology at the front, wanted to test a new mechanical heart he had engineered, and offered a clockwork heart he had engineered to a then-dieing solider, named *Hugo*, who took it without hesitation. Later on, Hugo (now fully recovered due to the revelutionary mechanical heart) was on a routine patrol. During a small pause, he noticed his new heart playing up. *Tic…

I would tell you a chemistry joke about Sodium and Bromine Oxide but... Na BrO

Two atoms One atom says to the other, ""you're a weird dude. You know that?"" The other atom responds ""hey man, we all have some quarks.""

I was getting a tour around my new school... First, I was shown the History wing. I met some of the teachers and couldn't wait for 6th hour, when I had my History class. My guide then took me to the Math hallway. I wasn't too excited to be returning here anytime soon. I was then shown the gymnasium. Some folks were playing Basketball when I walked by. Next came the English and Science wings. Nothing interesting to report there. My tour guide then brought me to the part of the school where kids w…

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.""Why do we have to learn this stuff?"" the frustrated student blurted out.""To save lives,"" the professor responded before continuing the lecture.A few minutes later the student spoke up again. ""So how does physics save lives?""The professor stared at the student without saying a word. ""Physics saves lives,"" he finally continued, ""because it keeps the idiots out…

A scientist preforms an experiment on a frog... First, he puts the frog in a box. Once the frog is in the box, the Scientist claps . The frog, startled, jumps out of the box. The scientist then catches the frog and puts it back in the box. Next, he removes one leg from the frog, and claps again. The frog, startled, jumps out of the box. The scientist then catches the frog and puts it back in the box. Yet again, the scientist removes a leg from the frog. The scientist claps. The frog stays in the…

I was going to make a chemistry joke, but... Na

6th grade class The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, ""Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, ""You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"" Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, ""Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"" Little Mary's m…

Sidebar the Numbered Jokes joke, start linking reposts and numbering them For science

My roommate is a chemistry major, and plays the organ.. One could say that he's an organic chemist.

Post your best oceanography jokes, the cornier the better Trying to befriend an oceanography teacher, puns always work for science teachers (proven fact) therefore, I need your corniest oceanography puns/jokes [teacher is male]

Trying to think of a good chemistry pun But all the good ones argon

Students of Chemistry Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says ""We don't serve noble gasses in here."" Helium doesn't react.

The physics teacher break up with the biology teacher Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

I'd like to tell you guys a chemistry joke But based on my experience so far in this sub, I'm sure I won't get any reaction

The oldest profession found There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession. The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world. The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most ce…

My physics teacher told me a joke today A physicist, a poet and a politician are sentenced to death by guillotine during the French Revolution. The poet is picked first. He stands by as the blade is raised, then he is asked, ""Would you rather be face up or face down?"" ""Down,"" he says. They place him in the guillotine, the blade is raised, there is a drum roll, and the executioner pulls the cord releasing the blade... and it hangs up halfway down! Now, there was (in this story) a rule against…

The purple feather Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . ""A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone"" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked ""how did you find this?"" Billy replied ""I was walking to school and I found the feather on the side of the road. Class resumes and Billy is in science class. Mrs. Martha tells Billy to go to the hallway and she follows. …

A scientist drops a pig and a flashlight from a 20 storey building He watches as both hit the ground at the same time. With this he concluded pigs move at the speed of light.

Why is faith greater than science? Science made buildings and planes but faith brought them together.

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading, ""WHERE AM I?"", and hold…

A car with 3 engineers and 1 computer scientist stalls on the freeway... The mechanical engineer says: ""lets check the carborator, it's probably the carborator"" The chemical engineer says: ""its most likely the gas line, lets check that"" The electrical engineer says: ""no, it has to be the car's circuts"" The computer scientist thinks for a minute and says: ""lets all get out of the car and get back in""

White guy, Black guy and Mexican guy So, there are three guys; a white guy, a black guy and a Mexican guy. They were all involved in mass murdering as a unit, and have just recently been caught. Their sentence is execution, in Texas an inmate can choose their their own process of execution. Since these three guys are all messed up in the head, their form of execution turns into a rivalry of toughness. White guy: ""I want to prove how though I am. I want a firing squad to shoot at me while I smok…

The Farmer and the Monk A young farmhand was once unfortunate enough to share a room at the inn with an old monk, who talked incessantly from evening's light to morning glow about matters of philosophy and science. Bored of the one-sided conversation, the monk soon proposed a challenge of wits. The farmhand was uninterested in testing his wits against the monk, no matter how much his roommate raised the stakes. Finally the monk offered the farmhand substantial odds: ""I will give you 50 gold coi…

I'd tell you a good chemistry joke but all the good ones argon.