Science Jokes

Einstein and driver One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the big guys in science. On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him : ""I'm sick of all this conferences, I always say the same things over and over !"" The drivers agrees, "" You're right, as your driver I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference at your place."" ""That's a great idea ! "" says Eistein,"" lets switch places then !"" So they swi…

What did the scientist say after discovering the medicinal content of homeopathic remedies ? 0mg !!!!

Scientists develop the world's most intelligent supercomputer. After years of hard work an army of scientists, programers and mathematicians have succeeded in developing the world's most intelligent supercomputer. This computer, with enough time can answer any question. The scientists go about asking it questions which significantly impact the world. Many questions to do with science, politics, healthcare, agriculture and the universe were asked by the scientists and the computer provided correc…

99% of humanity Works on the principle of rocket science. It does not mean , we always aim for the sky; it means that we do not start work unless our tail is on fire.

What's the opposite of quantum physics? Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

Two scientists walk into a bar... The first one says, ""I'd like some H2O."" The second says, ""And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."" The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.

Two scientists walk into a bar... The first scientist says to the bartender, ""I'll have some H2O."" The bartender nods and gives the man a glass of water. The second scientists says, ""I'll have some H2O, too."" The bartender nods and gives the man a glass of water as well, because he speaks English and understands that the second scientist, rather than requesting a drink which would kill him, simply wanted a glass of water in addition to his friend's.

When I die I want my body donated to science Specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life.

Experimenting on a frog ----Experiment log #1938---- Removed the front legs of a frog and asked it to jump. The frog jumped. Conclusion: when you remove the front legs of a frog, it can still jump. ___________________________________________ Removed the back legs of a frog. Asked it to jump. The frog jumped. Conclusion: When you remove the back legs of a frog, it can still jump. ___________________________________________ Removed all the legs of a frog. Asked it to jump. The frog did not jump. C…

What's a scientist's favorite gum flavor? .......Ex-*spearmint*.

The Devil gives three men a chance to get into Heaven Three men die and get sent straight to the Gates of Hell where they meet the Devil who tells them that if they can answer his question correctly, they can go to Heaven. The Devil grabs a chair and stabs five holes into it, sits on the chair and farts. Devil: If you can tell me which hole my fart came out of, I will let you leave Hell and enter Heaven. Man 1: I'm a scientists, and since you were sitting normally on the chair, your fart would h…

Why did the student fail his physics test? He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

What do you call a nap in computer science class? A CS-ta

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

How does a scientist make a hormone? The same way I do: don't pay her!

What do you call a pickle sandwich that's a scientist? Dill Rye

Wife calls her scientist husband... ""Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."" ""I'm busy with my team in an experiment"" ""Whats that?"" ""We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine... It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."" ""Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time..""

I was gonna make a good science joke But all the good ones argon

Biology Lesson Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. ""Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"" Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, ""That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will report you to the Dean."" Dr Adams just nods and says, ""Miss Conrad, same question."" Miss Conrad stands and says, ""The pupil of the eye, under dim light."" Dr Adams nods again and says "…

Why did the scientist regret naming the organism ""Fungus""? Because after they hung out Gus was actually a pretty boring guy.

#1939 One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the top scientists in the world... One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the top scientists in the world. On the way there, he tells his driver, that looks a bit like him, ""I'm sick of all these conferences, I always say the same things over and over!"" The drivers agrees, ""You're right, as your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."" ""T…

Legless parrot A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, ""Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"" The parrot says, ""I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."" ""Holy shit,"" the guy replies. ""You actually understood and answered me!"" ""I got every word,"" says the parrot."" I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."" ""Oh yeah?"", the guy asks, ""Then answer this -- how d…

A graduate with a science degree asks, ""Why does it work?"" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, ""How does it work?"" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, ""How much will it cost?"" The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, ""Do you want fries with that?""

A scientist travels back in time to ancient Babylonia to see the beauty of the Hanging gardens... ...after trying to impress the King by demonstrating magnetism between his crown and a magnet, he finds himself in big trouble. In court, the people are mixed about what his punishment should be. Some see him as a valuable ally while others see him as a dangerous threat. The kind and generous King however decides to give him one chance to favour the people and gain his freedom. He tells the scientis…

2 Scientists walk into a bar... The first one tells the bartender, ""I'd like some H2O"" Upon hearing that, the second scientist says, ""I'd like some water too. Jimmy, we're not in the lab anymore...""