Science Jokes

Two scientists walk into a bar. The bartender asked the first scientists what he would like? Scientist 1: I'll have a glass of h2o. The bartender then asked the second scientist what he would like? Scientist 2: I'll have a glass of h2o to. A little later the second scientist falls over dead.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke But I know I won't get a reaction

The British at University A famous scientist, Arnold Nijmegen, was on his way to a lecture in yet another university, this one in Aberdeen, Scotland, when his chauffeur offered an idea. 'Tell you what, sir, I've heard your speech so many times I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off.' 'Sounds great,' the Nijmegen responded. When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled into the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the spe…

Chemistry Joke So a Physicist, Chemist and Biologist walk down the beach to the ocean. They stand together and watch the waves as the water splashes up to meet their feet. ""Look at those waves, the shear crushing weight of the water powered by tidal forces! I must study them further!"" Says the Physicist, as he walked out into the water, never to be seen again. ""All that life in the ocean, from the smallest plankton to the giant whales! I must study them further!"" The Biologist says as he wad…

How do you make sourdough bread not sour? You use dill dough... Terrible joke, but it was hilarious because my AP physics teacher told the class this joke years ago. He said ""Want to hear a joke that doesn't make sense, but it's still funny?""

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, ""Where'd you get that?"" The student on the bike replies, ""While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, You can have anything you want'."" The first student responds, ""Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you.""

Son leaves a note A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding rea…

Yesterday, my computer science teacher was teaching us about for-loops... ... he said it was a *for n* concept.

I failed my biology test today A question asked, ""What is commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" wasn't the right answer

A chicken walks into a bar He said ""I think I am in the wrong joke..."" Meanwhile, a scientist crosses the road.

A scientist Couldn't understand ""What is Marriage"" So he married, after it Now he couldn't Understand what is science .

What's the same between America and Jurassic Park They are both a experiment that ended badly.

How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics Geology: slow physics Computer Science: virtual physics Psychology: people physics Chemistry: impure physics Math: physics minus the units

I don't have any good science related jokes to tell Because most of the good jokes argon

I know I'll never be a rocket scientist... because the amount of math they have to do is astronomical and I'm not very stellar at it.

A scientist is in his lab... So one day a scientist is in his lab, and he's stressed out. How will he get his next grant so he can do an experiment and feed his family for a while longer? He decides to take a small nap... Then it hit him. After several all-nighters he came up with a prototype for **The World's First Truly Frictionless Object!** Skip over to the next day, when he is to present his case to the local university in hopes to acquire a grant. He goes with his paperwork, the prototype,…

I asked my chemistry teacher if we can revise oxides Because im a bit rusty

In biology class my teacher asked ""What is most commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" was not the right answer

Scientists in the Netherlands successfully clone a Neanderthal. Scientists in the Netherlands have succeeded in bringing back the Neanderthals back via cloning of a frozen specimen. They raise the Neanderthal child as a human and enroll him in a school. He doesn't do very well in grammar class, but shows a high interest in science, particularly biology. One day after being bullied by a particularly vicious human classmate, he runs out of the school, crying. One of the scientists find him at the …

A joke my physics teacher told us Student: ""Did you get a haircut?"" Teacher: ""No I got them all cut.""

I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones. If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.

My dad said ""Do your chemistry homework, okay?"" Potassium

What's the most common question in Quantum Physics? I don't know

""Mr. Brezhnev, the Americans just landed on the moon!"" Brezhnev: ""If the Americans were the first on the moon, then Russians will be first on the sun!"" Scientist: ""But sun is so hot that astronauts will burn alive there!"" Brezhnev: ""Are you stupid? We will fly to there in the night!""

A chemistry lab is like a giant party; Some people like dropping acid, others prefer dropping the base.