Science Jokes

What do you call a difficult problem in chemistry? A chemystery.

The following is an actual question given on a Yale university chemistry final exam

My science teacher taught us about gravity today. It was such a heavy subject to take...

How do you get everyone in a chemistry department to kill themselves? Get them to unionize

I tried making a chemistry joke today... ... But all the good element jokes Argon

What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter? The rogue one

Old but gold! A country preacher had a teenage son, and it was time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: A bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a Playboy magazine. 'I'll just hide behind th…

Meanwhile in the reptile design office in the planet construction halls of Magrethea... >Credit to John Fennimore of BBC Radio 4 Down the corridor from Slartibartfarst and his fjord design office, in the planet construction halls, another magrethean is called in to see his supervisor. ""You wanted to see me sir"" ""Ah, Zebon sit down,"" The supervisor said pointing to chair, ""I'm loving your work on the reptiles for Earth 2.0 the gecko is top notch, walks up walls!, and the chameleon is mast…

What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair (credit to my physics teacher's wife)

What did the Ukrainian Scientist receive after discovering the dangers of radiation? A Chernobel Prize.

Do chemistry jokes do well here? I'm not sure if I'll get a reaction.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says ""I'll have h2o"" The second scientist says ""I'll have a water"" The first scientist goes back home and rethinks his assassination plan.

which organ of the human body expands to 10 times Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: ""Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. ""Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. ""How dare you ask such a question?"" she says. ""I'm going to complain to …

(Physics) What's a physicists favourite graph? A Van De Graaff.

Two atoms walking down the street ... ... one turns to the other and says ""I think I've lost an electron"". The other replies ""F*ck me, a talking atom!""

Three friends attending Duke were taking Chemistry, and were confident that going into the final they had a solid A. They were so confident that the weekend before the final they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there. They had a great time, but were so hung-over that they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until late Monday morning. They rushed to their professor to give their excuses as to why they missed the final. They told him that they wen…

I failed my AP Biology test... They asked; ""what is something commonly found in cells?"" Apparently black people wasn't the correct answer

Two atoms were hanging out... One atom says to the other ""I am about to lose an electron!"" The other atom asks ""Are you sure?"" The first repies ""I am positive.""

Rare elements Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium(Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it…

[HELP] What did the crust say to the mantle? Need some help with a punchline for the joke in the title. Teaching a science class and can't figure out how to finish this joke. It has been bothering me for hours. Please help me, reddit comedians.

Scandium, Iodine, neon, corium. What is it? It's Science. UPDATE: I'm an idiot

I'm a Chemical Engineer and I have some good Chemistry jokes. ... but I never get a good reaction.

TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content. But Stranger Things have happened.

How do you make a sports science major cry? Remind them that high school is over.

Dad I've got something to tell you.. A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've be…