Science Jokes

A (long) joke I actually made up all by myself so at least give me points for it not being a repost (though I will let you be the judge of whether it's actually funny) Benny Jefferson was born in 1894, and gets to his 118th birthday. There are only four known humans who have got to this age, and there is a buzz in the scientific community, who wants to use Benny's wisdom to try to extend human life. Several scientists go to Benny's house and find an old, but energetic man watering the lawn. ""Ar…

Women defy physics. The heavier they get, the easier they are to pick up.

An atom walks into a bar... and orders a drink. The barman makes the drink and hands it over. The atom just sits there and sighs. ""Why so down?"" the barman asks. ""Iv'e lost an electron."" the atom answers. ""Are you sure?"" the barman asks. ""I'm positive.""

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions... A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, ""Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?"" And the professor responds, ""That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!""

Warning: Bad Biology Puns So a Homo is talking to his friend, pitching him an idea for a new musical he came up with. Upon finishing his pitch, his friend looks at him and exclaims ""Wow! Its brilliant!"". Homo looks at him and says, ""Well, I am a genus!""

Dean, to the physics department: ""Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper.""

Found in my Physics text book. A man lives in a foreign country, and his job is to operate the train that connects one town to another. He is not very good at his job, and he is also very greedy. Since his income does not meet his expenses, he decides to steal from his passengers' fares. At first he steals only a little. However, as he gets more and more greedy, he steals more and more. Eventually, he is caught. The company is furious. Once he has been tried and found guilty, the company asks fo…

George bush stupidity So George bush, the queen of England, a hockey player, a scientist, and a little kid are all on a plane that will soon crash, and there are only 4 parachutes. The queen of England says: ""Well all my people back home need me"" takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. George bush says: ""All my fellow Americans need me"" takes a parachute, jumps out of the plane. The hockey player says: ""Well all of my fans need me"" Takes the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Now …

Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns. What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!! A neutron walks into a bar. ""I'd like a beer"" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. ""How much will that be?"" asks the neutron. ""For you?"" replies the bartender, ""no charge"" A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Across the room he see's a panda bear eating a large pile of bamboo. Upon finishing the bamboo a waiter comes to the pandas table. The panda then shoots the waiter in the head, gets u…

Collage Finals At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an ""A"" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morn…

Chemistry... Two chemists walk into a bar. One asks the bartender for some H2O, and the other says ""I'll have some H2O too"". The second man dies. The bartender then asks ""what do we do with the body and the first chemist says ""we barium""

What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em? Barium.

I was going to tell you guys a joke about science... But all of them argon...

Chemistry Joke I hate telling noble gas jokes there's never a reaction.

My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero... At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.

I like writing my own chemistry jokes... Because the only good ones Argon.

Two atoms are sitting at a bar... ...and the first atom is looking pretty glum. ""What's wrong?"" asks the second atom. ""I thnk I lost an electron."" ""My God!"" said the second atom. ""Are you sure?"" ""Yes,"" said the first. ""I'm positive.""

Request: biology jokes Hey guys I need some jokes for my biology class to liven things up a bit so gimme your best. ( pick-up lines and puns also acceptable)

A Jewish boy comes home with his report card. His parents take a look and see: English: A Science: A History: A Math: F They tell him he's grounded until they see improvement, but when the next report card comes he gets an F in math yet again! After thinking hard about what to do this time, they decide they must send him to Catholic school. After just one term at Catholic school he comes home with an A in Math! The father asks, ""Son, what made this time so different?"" He replies, ""Well when I…

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, ""You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."" The frog becomes excited, ""This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"" ""No,"" says the psychic, ""in her biology class.""

A man drives home from the musical instruments store... ... he has just bought a new drumset for his 10 year old son's birthday. He is going about 30 miles per hour through a residential neighborhood and listening to the radio when a Nickelback song comes on. He is annoyed and starts changing the channels. While he is distracted, his pickup truck (a blue Ford F-150) hits a speed bump at 30 mph. He immediately worries about the drumkit that he just bought, he looks back and sees a drum and two cy…

the fowled experiment scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. british engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. arrangements were made. but when the gun was fired, th…

Help me make a joke to this punchline... (optional type of) science isn't an exact science.

And you think the queen isn't to be blamed? King Arthur was getting ready to go on a Quest. He was worried about leaving his beautiful Queen Guinevere alone with all those lonely Knights of the Round Table. So he went to his famous wizard, Merlin, for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he could come up with something. A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard wa…

A Compilation of Awful, Somewhat Nerdy Jokes ""Knock knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""To."" ""To who?"" ""To whom*."" ___________________________________________________________ What do they do to tickle me elmo before he leaves the factory? Give him two test tickles! ___________________________________________________________ What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me, something smells. ___________________________________________________________ Two atoms duck into the trenches after an i…