Science Jokes

Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment? Oxidants happen,

What do you call a clingy, moody scientist? A dependent variable

My girlfriend is into scat.... [A few quickfire, awful puns] My girlfriend's into some weird stuff, into scat, not the avant garde ska derived musical genre mind you, I mean...ask yer mother. She's also into australian accents, and has a particular affinity for fictional planets, in particular, superman's home planet is a particular turn on. I mean when she showers she has to use a Lex Loofah. Anyway, I'm racking my brains with how to satisfy her; the accent; the poo and fictional planets eventu…

An atom loses an electron, another atom asks 'You sure?' I'm positive.

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts ""your money or your life!"" The student keeps walking, and says ""Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either"".

An atom walks to a bar He tells the bartender he lost an electron. The bartender says, ""Are you positive?""

I was going to post a chemistry joke But then I thought ""Na, they won't like it""

An atom loses an electron... It says, ""man, I really gotta keep an ion them."" Edit: RIP inbox, nearly thought Reddit Au was coming Edit 2: First Reddit au! Thanks kind stranger!

Scientist Joke Blatantly Stolen from Askreddit. Einstein, Pascal, and Newton were playing hide-and-seek. While Einstein was counting; Pascal hid behind a tree and Newton stood in the middle of the playground, drew a box that was one meter by one meter. Einstein finished counting and saw Newton standing there in the open. ""I found you Newton!"" Newton replied, ""I'd wager you found pascal"". De Broglie was watching them and decided to wave back.

My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

Even after repeated search attempts, the atom couldn't find its lost electron... Yet, on the brighter side, it remained positive.

So two scientists invent a machine that can travel to other dimensions... After much calibrating and testing and preparing, the scientists hop aboard their creation and activate it. There is a blinding flash of blue light and in an instant the scientists are sitting in the middle of a grassy field. There is no sign of their lab...or really anything familiar at all. The scientists cautiously leave their machine and explore the field. However, the only thing they find there is a single horse peace…

What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say? That's a salt!

I failed my biology exam yesterday The question was: Name something commonly found in cells. Apparently, Niggers wasn't the right answer.

Teacher and student Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass? Student: I didn't even know they were catholics.

Did you hear about the scientist who discovered the G-spot? He found it while studying abroad.

A wise man once said, ""Science bring people to the moon..."" ""...and planes bring people into buildings.""

I kept trying to think of puns about the eye during my biology lesson, when we dissected one. To be honest, they kept getting cornea and cornea....

Two scientists at a restaurant. When the waiter asked the what to drink, the first scientist said, ""I'll have H2O."" The second scientist started to say ""I'll have H20 too,"" but then he told the first scientist, ""Wait a minute. You had something up your sleeves, didn't you?"" He then told the waitress, ""I'll have a glass of water."" The first scientist was furious, staring at him in anger, because his plan to kill the second scientist has failed.

Best Student reply to Teacher Physics Teacher: ""Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"" Student: ""Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything.""

There are four people on a crashing plane but only three parachutes... First man goes ""I am a leading heart surgeon one of the best in the world, my patients and country need me"". He takes the first parachute and jumps. Second man arrogantly goes ""I am brilliant rocket scientist, one of the smartest men alive the world needs me"". He takes the second parachute and jumps. The two people left in the plane are an old man and a ten year old Boy Scout. Old man goes ""Son I'm old and frail don't ha…

So, the mad scientist duo finally succeeded And the universe was destroyed by a pair o' docs

I wanted to make a chemistry joke... But I'm too basic.

There's been some interesting science news today. Apparently materials with a half life of 3 pass through valves at a extremely slow rate. -plauge inc

A scientist is running experiments with spiders... He believes he has discovered something profound so he calls up everyone he can, family, friends, press to come see him present his discovery to the world. Everyone shows up and the scientist begins his experiment. He has 8 spiders lined up in a row and he says simply ""walk three steps forward"", the spiders obey instantly and walk forward three steps. Everyone in the crowd is amazed and reporters quickly jot down what they had just witnessed. …