Science Jokes

If I were to steal an experiment from a microbiology lab... ...would it be cultural appropriation?

Two scientists walk into a bar... ...the barman asks: ""What would You like to order, sir"" to which the first scientist answers: ""I would like to order a glass of H2O"". Then the second scientist says: ""I would like to have a glass of H2O too."", he drinks it and dies. (If you don't get it just comment and I will axplain it to you, because we all know that every joke is funnier when it's explained)

My Science Book's Favorite Joke Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. They find a beautiful spot and set up their tent. After a full day of enjoying nature, they go into their tent and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes Watson and says, ""Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."" Watson is awestruck. After a moment, he says, ""I see countless stars."" Mr. Holmes replies, ""What does that tell you?"" Watson considers for a moment and says, ""It tells me that the unive…

A wealthy businessman gives a homeless dude 1 million dollars He sees a homeless guy sitting on the side of a street, with a sign that says, ""Why lie? I need money for drugs."" The businessman, liking to call himself a philanthropist, decides that this would be a great social experiment. So he walks up to the guy and tells him that he will receive 1 million dollars via check and what he can do with that money is up to him. Either he can use the money to buy more drugs, or use it to give himself…

A science graduate asks the question why? An engineering graduate asks the question how? An arts graduate asks, ""Would you like fries with that?""

Why did the computer science student drop out? He just couldn't hack it.

what do ducks and pseudo-science have in common? it's all just a bunch of quackery.

Everyone is saying 9/11 was a joke, it wasn't. It's a social experiment.

Chemistry joke involving the alphabet A B C D E F G H I J K Phosphorus Q R S T U V W X Y Z Why is there a Phosphorus? Because its an EL EM EN TAL P!

My friend Mahmoud bombed his physics final. At least he didn't fail.

[OC] Three little kittens are sliding slowly of a slanted metal roof. Which one hits the ground first? The one with the littlest mew. (This is a physics joke, by the way. I posted it to /r/physicsjokes shortly after I wrote it, but I thought I'd try here)

I told a chemistry joke a few days ago... Unfortunately, I didn't get a reaction.

A man on a date A guy is sitting at a bar, there's music blasting. Across from him is the most stunning women he's ever seen and she's giving him the eye. He buys her a drink and comes over. They seem to be getting on fantastically, and she's so beautiful everyone in the place is jealous. Suddenly she stands up, throws her drink over the guy, slaps him HARD across the face and storms out. The bartender comes over, says ""Dude, you were in there for sure, what the hell happened?"" ""Well"", says …

I am genuinely terrified of my Biology Professor I heard he has a lot of skeletons in his closet

When I was interviewed for a job in the chemistry department, they asked me if I had lab experience. I said I was more of a cat person.

Political Jokes Hey guys, So next week my sister is graduating with a degree in political science. I decided I want to get a bunch of political Jokes together to tell at her grad party. If anyone has any good political Jokes please let me know. Thanks!

2 scientists walk into a bar to get a drink The bartender asks them what they'd like to drink, ""I'd like h2O."" The first scientist says. The second scientist says, ""I will have h2O, too."" He second scientists passes away seconds after his first sip

Why will I go down in history? I dunno, but I'll go down in math and chemistry too.

A scientist walks into a bar and seems depressed. The bartender asks ""What's the matter?"" The scientist replies ""Everything is matter.""

I am waiting for scientist to invent invisible chocolate nobody will see me getting fat.

I lost my girlfriend recently. Then the topic moved away from science and she was fine again.

I'd made a chemistry joke... ...but all the moderately amusing ones have used to death.

Why Is Chemistry Racist? It's very selective. Edit. My first time making a joke. I know I can't make a joke. This is not directed at anyone.

Why do Christian figureheads not like science? Because it's about two Adams bonding.

The neuroscience of counting Scientists recently studied how various parts of the brain affect our ability as humans to count. First they removed the left half of a subject's brain and told him to count to 10. The man said, ""2, 4, 6, 8, 10."" Scientists restored the man's left brain and tried removing the right side of the brain. Again they told him to count to 10. He said, ""1, 3, 5, 7, 9."" For the final phase of the experiment, the scientists temporarily removed the man's entire brain. Again…