Science Jokes

well technicaly my oficial title is "head research scientist in the field of DNA sequencimg manipulation" but u can call me "gene hack man"

[Toothpaste Laboratory] Dentist 1: Yes Dentist 2: Yes Dentist 3: Yes Dentist 4: Yes Dentist 5: Not so fast...

ME: "This might be a dumb question..." SCIENTIST: "There's no such thing as dumb que--" ME: "Am I a dragon?"

"The Force Awakens" had 0 people riding giant CGI lizards. How is that even science fiction? They might as well rename it "Downton Abbey."

[Scientist describing evolution of the zebra] "We believe they were crime horses that stayed in jail for like a really, really long time."

science defines a baby as "a small smooth poopy man, no taller than a lamp"

Had a lot of chemistry with my high-school science teacher.

Science: I rely on observable data and logic. Religion: I prefer scripture and faith. Astrology: I like turtles.

Did it hurt when you fell from a lab where science is studied which has rendered religion obsolete? (Atheist pick-up line)

I'm no scientist, but I'm sure that gravity is at it's strongest while laying in bed early in the mornings.

Failed biology because apparently the answer to "what is commonly found in cells?" Isn't "Blacks and Mexicans"

I hope I get a good grade on my kids science project this year.

SCIENTIST: Behold The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive ME: uh okay *gets in* [CAR JUST LITERALLY FALLS APART]

Scientist: Finally, my modeling algorithm 'Predicting Cat Behavior' is complete! Cat: *walks across the keyboard, deleting the file*

When I die, I'm not donating my body to science, but I might donate it to the English department and freak the shit out of some people.

Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist that experimented with cadavers. His name was Frank

It's been 50 years since The Jetsons showed us a wacky science-fiction world where you could afford two kids and a house with just one job.

When I ask my wife if she wants help, she changes the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods, like I'm some sort of bear scientist.

Science fact: If you took a human intestinal tract and stretched it from the Earth to the Moon, you would definitely get fired from NASA.

"But... I can fix us!" the rocket scientist sobbed, as his wife picked up her suitcase. "Jim," she whispered. "This isn't rocket science."

Contrary to obvious physics, you can't attach a ceiling fan to your back and fly away like a helicopter.

"Alcohol is just water with feelings in it," said the girl who failed chemistry.

Report: Scientist walks in on climate changing, awkwardness ensues

Dance like no one is threatening to call the police if you don't take your boombox and leave the Christian Science Reading Room immediately.

Just kick higher, dammit! This isn't Rockette science.