Science Jokes

Almost every branch of science has a pseudoscience associated with it: chemistry and alchemy, astronomy and astrology, math and economics...

Scientist: a rat will choose cocaine over water until it dies. I've repeated this experiment thousands of times, because I hate rats so much

[Science Meeting, 1924] Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"

[Mad scientist lamenting] "All that work, trying to create a perfect palindrome ..wasted! DAMMIT I'M MAD !" (Pauses) "Hey...wait

Plot twist: I knock on Jehovah's Witnesses doors. "I'd like to talk to you about modern science "

My son touched my leg & said "so soft!" Then he asked for his IPad back & I gave it to him. Girls aren't exactly rocket science, guys.

A new study shows twitter is more addictive than crack. A scientist who looks suspiciously like my wife said "better put down that phone."

GOD: hey can I have one of your ribs Adam: what for GOD: uhh science project Adam: you hate science GOD: look do u wanna get laid or not

We shouldn't give a shit about recycling or pollution because some scientist will come up with something eventually

I won't be impressed with science until I can download a waffle.

late night science fact: if u laid out your veins from end to end u would die

BREAKING NEWS: Bread is extremely toxic to humans. "Just throw it all in a lake somewhere," says one long-billed scientist

Coworker sneezed, and said "Oh my. I don't know where that came from." I'm no Scientist, but I'm pretty sure it came from her nose.

I bet rocket scientists are conceited bastards. "YOU CALL THIS A MARTINI? THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE DAMMIT! I WOULD KNOW!"

I get you, anti-evolution people. I'm too lazy to learn science too.

Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.

If you eat guns, you'll sweat bullets. It's science.

Every commercial for every product should have a scientist looking into a microscope. That gives me the confidence to buy

MIND BLOWING SCIENCE FACT: 20% of all car crashes are actually battles between the Autobots and the Decepticons.

Scientist: But WHY is the bee population dying? Scientist: No idea. *eats bee* Scientist: Did you just eat a bee? Scientist: *eats bee* No.

I wanted to major in marine biology but those guys get pretty upset when you follow them into the latrine with a tape measure.

Twitter: Where if the chemistry's good, the geography won't be..

the chemistry between me and any kind of food is just whoa

Probing: Aliens have had plenty of time to figure out our biology -now they're just having fun.

[SETI receives extraterrestrial signal from 95 light years away] [scientist decodes message in the signal] "enough...with...the...Harambe...jokes"