Science Jokes

[date] W: I'm really into astronomy. M: Oh! What's your sign? W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy.

Everyone in the world but you is a robot and the experiment is going really poorly.

SCIENTIST: it's our thinnest toilet paper yet, sir. less than a picometer CEO: *rips it by breathing on it* put it in every public restroom

SCIENTIST: it's both man and machine ME: what's it called? S: I call it a cyborg M: I would have went with manchine S: *crushes test tube*

mythical anciemt turtel that canot die has been found in the galapagos. "dont worry" says one scientist "we wil find a way to kill it"

Few people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts. His name was Frank

Your 'Chemistry' with your girlfriend is great if you remember her 'Periodic Table'.

If science is so great why hasn't it invented chocolate that has negative calories?

I love how science fiction movies skip right to the fiction part.

it's 2013 and food can still make you fat get it together science.

*caterpillar looks up at sky* "My dream is to fly a plane one day." Other Caterpillar: You don't pay any attention in science class, do you?

"Nutella causes cancer" says one scientist with his mouth covered in chocolate. "Send your jars to me and I will dispose of them."

Robber: Give me all your money.Otherwise you are chemistry! ME: Don't you mean history? R: Don't change the subject! *Both start laughing

I'm no scientist, but if that ebola virus is communicable, that means WE CAN TALK TO IT.

I didn't get my period this month or any month prior to that. If I'm pregnant my parents will flip. Also science, science will also flip.

Sorry, science, but religion promised me a place where I'll get to hang out with Grandma again.

Cigarettes only give you cancer if you let them. It's called science. Maybe you'd know more about it if you read as many Yahoo Answers as me

[sits son down after he didn't win science fair] son, tomorrow some will call me "hero" others will call me "guy who fought a teacher"

More like "science UN-fair" *I walk away in slo-mo. The building explodes with baking soda lava* *I roll a smoke with my 2nd place ribbon

Your British accent is so attractive! If we had kids would they have British accents? We should do a scientific test & find out. For science

We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and spiders, and bears, and scientists, and scientists creating spider bears, and science bears

*scientist finishes bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and begins drinking the milk* "Wait just one damn minute" - How horchata was born

Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall -- scale reads zero

"We should definitely let dolphins go into space instead of monkeys" said one scientist obviously not a dolphin dressed up as a scientist

*donates my body to science* Science: no thank you