Germany Jokes

Which country has the nicest children? Germany. German children are kinder.

Why was Germany in debt after WWII? The gas bill was too high.

How tall does the grass grow in Germany? Nein feet tall.

This recent question was presented to a German national: What do you think is the biggest problem in Germany? Uncertainty or indifference?' He answered: I don't know and I don't care!'

Why don't nervous vegans visit Germany? They fear the wurst!

The German Plumber. Yesterday as I was taking my morning shower at 7:00am, it stopped half way through when I was putting my shampoo in my hair, great, so I wiped it out with a towel. I called a man after I came back from work around 5pm. The man, at first, sounded French but with almost an American accent, probably since he's been here a long time. He came round the next day to look at my shower in the morning on my day off work. He told me that one of the pipes had came loose and he needed to …

What did Hitler say when he rose to power? Give me all Germany. (Ger-money) Yeah I'm sorry. On my way out.

Top Ten Benefits of a Trump Presidency 10. Instagram photos of fancy food replaced by photos of comfort food. 9. Household net worth rises if women are considered property. 8. SNL and the Daily Show get a little better. 7. Americans get to experience four year educational historical reenactment of Nazi Germany. 6. Pared down Facebook friends list keeps snooping relatives from seeing your EDM concert photos. 5. College protests exercise the legs of students who did not leave their dorms to vote. …

My favorite thing about Germany the children are kinder

A doctor from U.K. says: ""In U.K. the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's hand; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."" The German doctor comments:""That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."" A Russian doctor says:""That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he…

Fun facts about Germany No fun in Germany, go back to work!

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, ""Honey, I'll be right back."" Where are you going, Coochy Coo?"" asked the wife. ""I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."" The wife said, ""You want a beer, my love?"" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer -- brands from 12 different countries incl…

A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport ""Good morning, First time in Germany?"" ""First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"" ""Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"" ""T-34, I was the gunner""

So a silver mine collapsed in Germany... So a silver mine collapsed in Germany, I guess you could say that's one mein fuhrer. I don't know if that exists or not, but as far as I know, I made that up.

A classical music fan is visiting Germany and decides to visit Bach's grave in Leipzig When he gets there, he hears some faint music. He listens closely and he soon realizes that its coming from Bach's grave! He is spooked, but bewildered and keeps listening as it sounds familiar but unrecognizable. After a couple minutes, he realizes it is Bach's Sonata in G minor playing backwards... Thoroughly freaked out, the visitor makes a bee-line for the exit. He sees the caretaker and says, ""Sir! Bach'…

Where would we be in the world without humour? Germany.

Germany, in the year 1938 A man walks into the local branch of the Ministry of the Interior and tells the secretary he wants to change his name. ""What's your current name?"" asks the secretary. ""Adolf Cohen"" answers the man. ""What - you really think changing your surname will make us believe that you're Aryan?"" ""No - I want to change my first name.""

A story about a business trip (that actually happened) Boss was driving with one of his employees to Germany. The employee was from a smaller country, so he was really amazed by the German cities; they were so much bigger than the ones he visited in his country. Later on, as they were driving down the high way, the employee was looking at the scenery and, from time to time, he noticed some road signs that had the word Ausfahrt(exit in German) written on them. The employee was clearly impressed b…

A recent study conducted in Germany by Professor Bernd Ottovordemgentschenfelde proves that 99.9% of people skip his name

I have a joke from Germany Just kidding, we have no sense of humor.

You can lose weight if you don't eat foods that start with capital letters. Even faster if you live in Germany!

The Pommel Horse There is excitement in men's gymnastics at the Olympics in Rio. One man from Germany tore his ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) in rehearsal on the pommel horse, but entered anyway and scored high enough to allow Germany to advance. Talk about playing through the pain! In women's gymnastics, again for 2016, there were no entries in the pommel unicorn.

Hitler's Dream Hitler Awakens in the middle of night . Eva asks him : "" What happened Adi Russians in Berlin ?"" ""Ehhh no, i had stupid dream about Germany in year 2016 : Chancelor is woman, Foreign Minister is Fag , Turks working in the factories of Daimler-Benz , Germany pays debts of Greeks and Spaniards. Instead of Nazis there are Gays marching on streets. , We are paying to the Jews. And are listening to orders of some stupid America blackman. ! And thats not all... Fascists arent in Reic…

Did you hear about the guy who killed people on the train in Germany? Seems like he wanted to be an axe-man.

American girl in Germany. Ok. So this Californian girl decided to take a summer trip to Germany. So she's in Germany and doesn't know how to speak fluent German and she's driving on the autobahn and she's been driving for about 8 hours and is tired and doesn't want to check in to a hotel. So this woman sees a truck stop and pulls in and decides to rest. A couple of hours pass by and she is awaken by this loud truck and this trucker guy steps out and doesn't see the woman in the car and he opens …