Germany Jokes

Michael Jordan tried escaping his nickname in Germany... but they still called him Herr Jordan.

A russian, a german and an estonian are sitting on a plane. Suddenly the pilot announces that the plane is going to fall down unless everybody throws something off the plane. The russian throws his vodka saying ""we have enough of that in russia"", the german throws his beer saying ""we have enough of that in germany"". The estonian throws the russian saying ""we have enough of that in estonia.

my elephant trunk joke I've been telling this joke to people just as I meet them for years - I normally use it as an ice breaker and include the people around me - everything in *italics* gets adjusted to the situation / company I just recovered from a horrible *farming* accident - I was using a *cotton* *thresher* and had 1/2 my junk cut off - I did not want to go through life with only 8"" - so I went to a clinic in *Germany* and had a baby elephant's trunk grafted on - so on my return I decid…

Geek Joke If you look at the history of Europe, you'll note that Germany has invaded France a number of times. It has been speculated that because the Franks originally came from Germany, the Germans are simply trying to get their own back. You could say the same about Italy invading France, since it was once a Roman Provence. But that would take a lot of Gaul.

Two men travel by train The journey is very long as they need to cross several European countries. One of them constantly asks at which country they currently are out of boredom. The other man replies correctly by not even looking outside the window. How do you do that without looking? Every country has its very specific climate. It's not that hard. Here, let me show you. He places his hand outside the window every few hours and replies. Right now we are going through Germany, because my hand is…

So Tom recently finished remodeling his home. It was perfectly done in every detail, and the owner was fantastically pleased. There was Italian marble in the kitchen, Persian carpets in the living room that matched the mahogany bookshelves, and even a concert grand piano hand made in Germany. To celebrate the completion of the project, he decided to throw an extravagant party with all his friends. There was food and drink in endless supply and excellent music and conversation all night. As large…

When Germany won the World Cup, I did nazi that coming.

A fire rages in a high-rise apartment in Germany... and a woman and her baby are stuck on a high floor, looking out the window. The firetruck's ladder cannot reach them, so the woman contemplates throwing the baby down to the firemen but both the mother and the firemen are scared of maybe not catching the baby. Then, Manuel Neuer, Germany's star goalkeeper and the world's best in his position on the pitch, happens to pass by. He then volunteers to catch the baby, as he has fantastic goalkeeping …

How many goals did Germany score? A Brazillion.

Brazil - Germany Football Game Ok, I see Germany scored a touchdown and point after, but how the heck did Brazil get 1 point?

I did not expect Brazil to get beaten this badly by Germany I really did Nazi it coming

Germany really put a whoopin on Brazil today... But it's still not as bad as when they beat Israel 6,000,000-0

Breaking news... Brazilian goal tender tries to kill self at halftime. He threw himself in front of a train. It went between his legs, so he's OK, but still, he's very upset over his performance against Germany.

Name Change As Sami Khedira scored the fifth goal for Germany in the semi-finals of the World Cup, the government of Brazil has announced that the Rainforest is no longer in danger and will now be referred to as the Tearforest.

knock knock, who's there? An ass load of Brazil v Germany posts of which 5% are actually funny.

Germany Vs Brazil Guess we can say it wasn't even klose.

The Brazil v Germany game last night... ...the most embarrassing semi since I watched Brokeback Mountain with the wife.

Germany vows revenge after Brazil's goal yesterday This must not go unpunished

Breaking news: Messi won't be playing against Netherlands He is suffering from extreme abdominal pain caused uncontrollable laughter caused by watching Brazil vs Germany

Topical Jokes for 7/8 In the World Cup, Germany trounced Brazil 7-1, the worst defeat in Brazil's history. Now Germany will proceed to the finals, and the Brazilian team will enter the witness protection program. After a plane was grounded in Wyoming, the pilot bought pizza for all of the passengers. And for the passengers in first class, the pilot ordered steak and lobster.

Poland... Poland - a country between Russia to the east and Germany to the west. If they piss Russia off, they turn the gas off. If they piss Germany off they turn the gas on.

Just got back from Germany... and let me tell ya, their meat is the Wurst.

A Lil wrong but still funny I think Back before he took over germany, Hitler was a small business entrepreneur. He had a thriving chain of crematoriums. Hitler's Discount Crematorium. ""You just won't believe how low cost we are""

I'm gonna open a bakery in Germany. I'll call it ""Gluten Tag!"" K-THX-BAI!!!!!

Russian referendum. Russia initiates a referendum in Crimea about returning Crimea back to Russia. Ukraine initiates a referendum about returning Kaliningrad to Germany, Sakhalin and the Kuril Islands to Japan, Kazan - to Tatar, Karelia - to Finland, Siberia to Yakuts, and everything situated east from Ural mountains - to ingenious people.