Germany Jokes

Geography class -Whats the capital of Germany? -Berlin teacher -Whats the capital of France? -Berlin again teacher -Whats the capital of Poland? -Still Berlin teacher -Adolf! If you keep this up you'll fail geography! -We'll see about that

The Thin Swiss Wire A crew of Swiss engineerers was tasked by their government to create a wire as thin as possible. The project took months, years to finish, but at last, they succeeded. They produced a piece of extremely thin wire. It was so thin that they could not even measure how thin it actually was. Not only that, but it was also durable. They could not cut or shorten it, no matter how hard they tried. The Swiss Government was very proud of what their engineers created, but before they …

A British tourist visits a brothel in Germany Geoffrey, a middle-aged British tourist on his first visit to Germany finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, f…

Please listen closely... Attention: Tonight I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses WWII and Wednesday comes *after* Tuesday.

From a Botswanan friend... A man dies and goes to hell. He finds that there is a different hell for each country. He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to Germany Hell and asks, 'What do they do here?' ... He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day'. The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He …

In Germany, we know of a joke The French military.

So I just got back from a trip in Germany, and I realized how awful American children are. While they may be nice and all where I live in NYC, kids in Germany are kinder.

Israeli, German, Russian, and American doctors were talking ... ‏An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work." ‏The German doctor says: "That's nothing, ‏in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work." ‏The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for wor…

Unemployment at its best! An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work." The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work." The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work." The American doctor laughs: "You al…

The "American Dream" was discussed in class the other day... ... the professor turned to the German foreign exchange student and asked if they had anything like that in Germany to which he responded, "We did, but nobody liked it."

Why did Germany almost go bankrupt? Because the Holo-cost a lot of money. Anne Frankly, it wasn't worth it.

Germany is suggesting citizens stock up on sausage and cheese They are expecting a wurst käse scenario.

Ww2 joke i heard recently So, it’s 1941 and a young German boy is listening to the radio. On the radio Hitler announces that Germany is declaring war on the United States. The boy asks, “Father, where is the United States?” “Here, let me show you,” His father responds and points at a map of North America. The boy then asks, “We are at war with Russia too, right? Where’s that?” The father then points at a map of the Soviet Union. “I think we’re also at war with the British,” the boy says. “…

A man arrives at the pearly gates of heaven St. Peter asks him if he's done any good. The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery. The man says, "I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany. The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play when I awarded a penalty against England." "Yes," responds St. Peter, "That was a real act of bravery. Can you tell me when this took place?" "Certainly," the man replies. "About three minutes…

A pub in the 1950s somewhere in Germany A pub in the 1950s somewhere in Germany. Two men are sitting at a table and boasting about their war experiences. The first: "1914-18. Western Front. Iron Cross!" The second: "1939-45. Eastern Front. Knight's Cross!" A wrinkled old man slowly stands up at the end of the room, limps slowly over to the two of them on his stick, and pulls himself upright in front of them: "1870-71. No medals, but: won the war, gentlemen!"

What comes after the stage dive in germany? Krautsurfing

French sense of humor So me (not a German, but was living in Germany those days) and a colleague (who is French and lives in France too) were "on-site" in Austria visiting a customer. After the work day was over we went to a nearby farmer's market just for a stroll. We saw some lovely and cheap lemons there and I wanted to buy some but didn't have a bag on me. When I mentioned this to my french colleague, he pulled out a big white handkerchief from his pocket and offered that we could bundle up…

This is a story about a newlywed couple who had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer b…

What do you call a German taxi driver who thinks Germany is above all? An Über driver.

Arab student in Germany. An arab student studying in Germany contacts his father saying "I feel ashamed that I come to college on a Lexus and the Doctors who teach me come by train". His father sends him a check with 100 million $ and a note saying "here go buy yourself a train and don't embarrass us with the Germans"

what's the best thing about germany? Children are Kinder over there!

Social experiment Social researchers from Oxford devised an experiment to place three men from diverse cultures on an otherwise deserted island. They decided on one man from France, one from Germany, and one from Japan. The German was told he is in charge of shelter, the Frenchman was put in charge of meals, and the Japanese was told he was in charge of supplies. The three were left alone on the island for 6 month. When the researchers returned, the German greeted them and showed the around t…

Santa Claus had started feeling like he was losing some of his mojo at one point... ... so in recent years, he had taken to periodically stopping during his annual Christmas Eve present run to take in words of wisdom from spiritual leaders from various backgrounds all over the world, hoping that someone could re-ignite that spark for him that made Christmas special. Eventually, he realized that it wasn't just him - the reindeer were tired, his sleigh was starting to look a bit run-down, and ev…

Four doctors are talking. "The British doctor says, medicine is so advanced in Britain that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he was looking for a job." The German doctor replies: "That's nothing. In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job." The Russian doctor replies: "Well, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he was looking for a job." The American doctor laughs: "Y…

Did you know that Germany is only second best at recycling The first place is taken by r/jokes