Germany Jokes

In Germany things generally go from bad to Wurst.

Beautiful Austria One day, Hitler was sitting on a bench in the alps with some old friends, enjoying the beautiful valley below them. ""Ah, Germany is a wonderful country!"", he said. ""But Mein Fuhrer, this is Austria!"", said one of the friends. ""Well, NOW it's Austria...""

Why did the blind Jew hate driving in Germany? When it came to speed bumps, he did nazi them coming

I saw many places when I fought in WWII.. But I did Nazi Germany.

Why does Poland stay from Germany? a couple decades ago they had a three way with Russia that ended poorly

My friend recently tried to get appointed chancellor of Germany but failed. I told him he was literally worse than Hitler.

What do you call a hot girl in Germany ? Tourist

A Jewish man visits Germany shortly after WWII Forgive me English second language... Jewish man come to germany and visits the camps It is a very sad sight. He looks around and sees all the gas chambers. His family had owned the land where the camp was and the power plant that once employed so many hard working people. The Jewish man started to weep. He thought about how huge the gas bill must be, and fell to his knees kicking some stupid old dead people bones out the way as he wondered who he c…

Germany and Russia joint up to invade Poland... At the start of the battle a lone sniper is able to sneak his way behind enemy lines, so far behind in fact that he manages to get a clear shot of the Russian general in charge of the invasion and the German lieutenant that works as his assistant. Knowing the repercussions of this moment, it becomes irritably apparent to the sniper whom he's to shoot first, and so he does. Days later when the Polish sniper is cough trying to escape the area, after …

A Real Woman A flight going from Canada to Germany, suddenly had it's engine fail.The Pilot, realizing they wouldn't be able to survive the impact, told everyone to brace themselves for the upcoming crash. A woman stood up, and said ""I'm not gonna die like this, afraid and crouching. Is anyone here man enough to make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?"" There was a long silence, then a man stood up, unbuttoned his shirt, then unbuckled his belt. He quickly pulled off his pants and shirt, t…

Sleeping in central park Is it going too far to equate my experience sleeping in central park to being a Jewish person in nazi germany...

It's International Holocaust Remembrance Day And Fugghedaboutit Day in Germany.

A man visits a priest for confession... An elderly man in Germany walks into a confessional box after feeling the urge that he needed to confess. Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. During the great war I hid a Jewish refugee in my attic. Priest: Well, that's not a sin my son, but rather a heroic act of great compassion and daring. Man: But I made him agree to pay me 20 marks for each week he stayed. Priest: I must admit, that wasn't a great decision, but I am sure you did it for a good c…

Terrible jokes my Dad told me as a kid Joke 1: How do you know if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The peanut butter has footprints Joke 2: How do you know if an elephant is in your cherry tree? Elephants have blue eyes I don't know if this has anything to do with how awful the jokes are, but my Dad immigrated from Germany in the 1960's

THE best Bavarian cream pie My grandpa was stationed in Germany after the war. And when I was very small he told me about this little restaurant that served THE best Bavarian cream pie. Apparently he went there every opportunity he had. He couldn't get enough of that Bavarian cream pie - it was absolutely unreal. Well, a few years ago, my grandpa found out that he had a terminal illness, and only had a few months left to live. So, he booked a deluxe vacation cruise to Europe that would eventuall…

which country has the maximum number of bacteria, fungus, viruses and other micro organisms? GerMany

Some historic anti-Nazi jokes from Germany Hey there. I thought, I'll take the time and translate you some of the so-called ""Flusterwitze""(whisper jokes) from nazi Germany. * The old code of law seems to complicated, so it has to be changed. From now on, there are only three laws: 1. If you do something, or fail to do something, you are punished. 2. The penalty is determined by the peoples emotion*. 3.What the peoples emotions is dictated by the Gauleiter(governor). (1934/35) (original: ""gesu…

Bavarian cream pie (from comedians in cars getting coffee) A soldier in World War II is in Germany at the end of the war and eats a piece of bavarian cream pie at a cafe. It's the best thing he's ever tasted. He goes on about his life. Gets married, has a family, raises children, retires. His wife dies. He gets diagnosed with cancer. He has a few months to live. He's accomplished everything in life, and his only desire is to have one more piece of that bavarian cream pie. So he books passage on …

Why did the USSR agree to a nonaggression pact with Nazi Germany? They were Stalin.

A man walks into a bar when he visits germany to see if their beer is really as good as everyone says, the bartender sees he is a tourist and says, ""I'm thinking of a number and if you get it you get a free beer, Want to play?"". The man responds with ""Nine!"", and the bartender replies ""Oh okay, let me know if you want to try""

A girl calls a psychic saying: *""I dreamed that I had one leg in Spain & the other in Germany. What does that mean?""* Psychic: *""That you gonna pee on France""* -------- ^Francais, ^je ^vous ^aime ^Edit: ^Qrammar

What do you call a boyscout in WWII-era Germany? A knotzi.

An American tourist in Germany... While in Germany, an American tourist saw a man peeing in a fountain. ""GROSS!"" She said. ""Danke!"" He said.

Beethoven Recently I went on a trip to Germany and I had heard that Beethoven was buried in the area that I would be visiting, so I decided to stop in and visit. Once I arrived, I immediately stopped in behind the cathedral where he was laid to rest. To my surprise there was no one there except for this one crazy guy with a shovel and crowbar, saying that he was going to dig up Beethoven's body. So I thought to myself, ""This oughta be good!"" After a while of digging I hear the thump of shovel …

New fast food chain in Germany Apparently is called ""In-and-Auschwitz Burgers."" The slogan is ""Bacon isn't the only thing cookin in the oven!""