Military Jokes

FOX HOLE Q: What's it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole? A: Bestiality.

My mother went missing in Vietnam during the war... Momma MIA!

Disney's next live stage show to be based on Mulan. But this time, it's set in the time after WWII and she's a warrior in the People's Liberation Army. It's going to be a bit racier than the usual Disney Broadway fare, even featuring some topless, revue style dance numbers. The working title is ""Mulan Rouge.""

The Indian National Army has anti-gay laws... They call it the law of Don't Ask, Don't Patel.

Want to know why fish tanks are stupid They don't even have a military.

The one Pacifist friend. Pacifist friend: ""Do you want to hear my war-cry?"" *cries his eyes out while watching two dogs fighting*

""Why is the Old Testament down on gays? Because the Phyllistines were always making war on the Israelites."" Here is the explanation of this joke, for the under-30 crowd. In 20th century gay jokes about drag-queens, ""Phyllis"" was a typical drag-queen name. The use of names like ""Phyllis"" in these jokes mirrored the fact that drag-queens typically picked out female names for themselves, to go with their female outfits. And ""Phyllis"" was a favorite choice.

Why is the Old Testament down on gays? Because the Phyllistines were always making war on the Israelites.

It was actually the muslims who invented the C4 explosive... But it was the US:Army who later added a remote detonator.

An English navy ship is sailing off the coast of Germany... When the ship runs into a giant boulder underwater and starts sinking. The captain quickly gets on the radio and says ""Mayday mayday. This is the English navy we are sinking. I repeat we are sinking."" With no response from the German navy base. After numerous attempts they finally hear a German soldier speak over the radio: ""OK...What..uh... What are you sinking about?""

drill sergeant There once was a private in the army who was in the middle of a training drill for stealth and disguise. He was all painted like a tree and blended in perfectly. The drill sergeant was walking through the forest trying to find this private, when all of a sudden the private flinched. The drill sergeant screamed at him and told him he did a terrible job. Then the private said ""Well, with all due respect, I didn't flinch when the dog peed on my leg, or when the birds took a shit in …

Israel and the news media A CNN Reporter, BBC Reporter, and an Israeli commando were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded. The CNN Reporter said, Well, I'm an American, so I'd like one last hamburger with French fries."" The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger & fries. The reporter ate it and said ""Now, I can die."" The BBC Reporter said, I'm a reporter …

Who should we vote for the next president? Gabe Newell. There will never be a World War 3.

A joke for Memorial Day! At a 10 year high school reunion, a serviceman and a lawyer walk into the men's room. After using the urinal, the serviceman zips up and heads for the door. The young lawyer while using the sink states ""wow, had you gone to college maybe you would have learned to wash your hands!"" The serviceman simply replies ""In the military, they taught us not to get piss on our hands. ""

General surgeon's warning: Because you can't, you won't and you don't stop.!

The New Young Salesman A manager at a General Store is teaching a young, newly hired boy how to sell people more than they really want. Suddenly, a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager walks up to him and says, ""Of course. But you will be wanting a lawn mower, too, right?"" The man asks, ""Why would I be?"" The manager replies, ""Because when the lawn seed grows, youll need something to cut the grass with."" Surprisingly, the man buys a lawn mower. Then another man walks in a…

I asked a chick I met where the white women at? She told me they are at Old Navy.

What is an army of blue babies on horseback called? A navy infantry cavalry

Time in a prisoner-of-war camp 3 prisoners of war - an Englander, an American and an Irishman are marched in to see the German commandant. The commandant says, "" I vill let you go if you say, ""tick tock"". Say ""tick tock"" and I vill let you go."" So the Englander says, ""tick tock old chap"", and the German says, ""you may go"" The American says, ""tick tock buddy"", and the German says, ""you may go"". The Irishman thinks to himself that this must be some form of trickery, so he says, ""TIC…

When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt. I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.

A man's job... A man's job sent him to Kuwait in the late 80's and he had to visit many small villages. He began to observe a strange custom. The men always seemed to be walking 20 or 30 feet in front of their wives. Curiosity got the best of him and he finally asked a pair of men why they did that. The men replied that for thousands of years men had preceded their wives as an expression of their superiority. Ten years later, now a war torn country, the man returned and happened by the same vill…

Why does the army want to only recruit married men? Because they don't want a **single** man lost!

Using a pencil to vote in the 2015 General Election... As safe an option as letting Jimmy Saville volunteer in a Kids Hospital.

A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman. ""Is everything alright?"" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his a…

uk politics joke What do you call a freshly defeated and resigned, anti-immigration uk poilitician who searches his surroundings for food and general provisions? Nigel Forage