Military Jokes

Two mexican soldiers are riding on their horses after a bloody battle... ...when one of them yells out ""viva la menstruacion!!"", and the other one, surprised, corrects him. "" it's viva la revolucion!"" to this the first soldier replies:"" it doesn't matter, let the blood run!!!""

The Plight of Fue Lancaster The year is 2652, on a faraway planet meant for prisoners of a far ranging galactic war. Ever since Fue Lancaster was a boy he dreamed of escape. There were individual encampments dotting the planet, all of which were surrounded by 100 foot high concrete walls. If you looked hard enough, you could see that there were cracks all over the walls, from previous failed attempts at escape. The hope to escape had long fled the hearts of those surrounding Fue, but he was spec…

What did the Japanese General say to his kamikaze trainee? Despite what everyone tells you, you'll never learn from your mistakes.

This Christmas... This Christmas, Donald Trump's hair becomes sentient and nukes canada. Only one Democratic Socialist can prevent a total World War. Bernie Sanders stars... in HELL TOUPEE

If You Love military joke Then Read This One And Please Dont Laugh Lol......! A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance. One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Gunnery Sergeant for his per…

What do you call a... Q: What do you call a woman who can cook, clean, sew, hunt, fish, nurse, coach, inspire, knows sports, cars, is great in bed and is married to an Army man? A: A swiss Army wife...

Putin, Angela Merkel and Obama stand ona a dock... Obama says ""The USA built a submarine that can dive for 1 week without needing to refuel."" Putin responds ""Our nuclear submarines can dive for a whole month!"" Suddenly a old submarine comes out of the water. The hatch opens, a Wehrmacht -soldier comes out and says ""Heil Hitler we need fuel""

Note from angry neighbor (above) and appropriate Army vet response (below)

I work for a company who specialises in vacuum packed marine mammals. We're famous for our airtight seal.

When a soldier goes sentimental, his favorite band will be Guns'N'Roses.

I don't know why people say food in the military is bad... I was given a big chicken dinner!

Notre Dame beat Navy yesterday. If Navy beats ISIS, does that help Notre Dame's strength of schedule?

N. Korea ready for war with US, leader tells nation. Come on baby. we are ready.

TIL you can get kicked out of the Navy for getting on the wrong vessel just once. Oops, wrong sub.

BARRACKS DOOR A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, ""Your barracks door is open."" Since he wasn't familiar with that phrase, he went on his way, looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, ""Your fly is open."" He zipped up and finished his shopping. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was who told him about his ""barracks door."" He was planning to have a little fun with…

What do you call a Beatles fan who happens to be a Chinese sadomasochistic member of the American Army? Yellow Submarine

Tired Marine By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. ""You've got to have a room somewhere,"" he pleaded. ""Or just a bed, I don't care where."" ""Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,"" admitted the manager, ""and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."" ""No problem,"" the tired Marine assured hi…

China's rise is terrifying: look at this list of casualties from Chinese military interventions over the last three decades http://i.imgur.com/WFsyTn8.png

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb ? None, they can't change anything . PS : This is meant to be taken as a joke and only as a joke . I do not have any problem with feminists nor females in general . PS 2 : This showed up in my facebook feed , a quick search showed that this joke was last posted 2 years ago so I thought it would be ok to repost .

How do you stop the Polish army on horseback? Unplug the merry-go-round.

All blondes go to war to prove they are not stupid. They some how get a lot of guns and doing major damage. Hiding behind bushes and coming out and shooting people. Military came up with a strategy to get them out in the open. Since majority of blondes are named ""Matthew"" they would start yelling Matthew where ever the suspect it. Military yells Matthew and blonde man says ""what"" and he gets shot down. It worked every time. Soon they start loosing a lot of their men Blondes thought that ther…

Poland started World War 2 like Iraq was responsible for 9/11

A Short History of Military Budget Cutbacks. In 2005, due to budget cutbacks the US army decided to start combining military occupational specialties within the computer science field into new MOSs. Soldiers that joined the army to write software now had to also know hardware. Soldiers that wanted to install cabling now also had to install fiber optic networking. Officers had to learn their new responsibilities just as their soldiers did in order to maintain a good work force. In 2008, more budg…

Trigger Warning. The other day I was using the bathroom when all of a sudden a 1700's English colonial soldier appeared out of nowhere. He also brought along a plantation owner and a conservative politician also showed up. The worst part however was that the toilet paper roll was empty.

A man arrives in a monastery in the middle of nowhere... He is starving, dirty, and in terrible shape in general. The monks immediately take him in, nursing him back to health. When he finally gains the strength to speak again, he thanks them, and proceeds to tell them his story - how he's a failed businessman, how his wife divorced him, how he got drunk and decided, in drunken stupor, to drive as far away as he could and get lost in the mountains. As he tells his story, he realizes that he has …