Swiss Army Jokes

Judging by their knives, the Swiss Army is mostly bartenders.

I carry one of those tiny Swiss Army knives with me at all times. You never know when you'll need a tiny blade to thwart an attacker.

Hey, boy. Are you a Swiss army knife? Because you're a smaller, less effective version of everything I need.

Also, those little Swiss Army knives are great when you need a tiny pair of scissors to open your Gummi Bears like some kind of crack head.

Always use a fish knife when eating fish, a tomato knife when eating tomato, and a Swiss Army knife when eating a member of the Swiss army.

A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins... Multi-porpoise!

The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt. The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way. The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and e…

If the Swiss Army knife is so good.... How come the Swiss army never fights?

What do you call a... Q: What do you call a woman who can cook, clean, sew, hunt, fish, nurse, coach, inspire, knows sports, cars, is great in bed and is married to an Army man? A: A swiss Army wife...

So a young man joins the army.. So a young man joins the army, it was his life plan since he was little because his grandfather and father before him both served. He felt like it was his duty to carry on the family tradition. So after he joins he goes through all his basic training and testing. A few months later he is being deployed, unfortunately the day he is to ship out he sleeps in. Not much mind you but just enough to make him last in line to receive his fire arm. When he finally gets to t…

Victorinox, the makers of Swiss Army knives, recently branched out into the medical supply business after developing a universal tool fit for every hospital ICU. Their marketing slogan: ""For all intensive purposes.""

A Software Engineer a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road bouncing off the crash barriers until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants shaken but unhurt now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do? ""I know"" said…

A Software Engineer a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road bouncing off the crash barriers until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants shaken but unhurt now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do? ""I know"" said…

How did the man remove the Swiss Army knife from his rectum safely without hurting himself? Please answer soon it’s starting to hurt

Why does no one like the swiss army? Because they are all a bunch of tools.