Someone please invent a service to grocery shop for you but also cook it into a meal and also the meal is pizza oh it's pizza delivery#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Tim Cook: "We're excited to annou-" #Apple fans: "We'll buy it." Tim Cook: "Let me fini-" Apple fans: "We'll buy that too." #iPhone6#Tim Cook#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
There are few moments sadder than when they ask at the fast food drive-thru if you want to try the new featured item and you do.#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach's like "what if you die tomorrow?" and I'm like "good point" and I have a whole pizza.#Food#Dark Humor0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I've done it, finally. I invented a pill that makes your farts smell exactly the way your food tasted. Get me the President#Food#Politics0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can't get in without a Costco membership#Costco#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Marry someone who loves Hawaiian pizza so you can just get your own good tasting pizza all to yourself.#Hawaiian Pizza#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Me: I heard Rihanna got food poisoning Brain: Stop M: It was B: No M: Salmonella ella ella ey ey B: This is why I can't do math in your head#Rihanna#Salmonella Ella Ella#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Instagram before the foods goes in, Twitter when the food goes out.#Twitter#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Laughter is the best medicine. Depression is the best food. Happiness is the best animal. I don't know since we're clearly making stuff up.#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Ordered a pizza. Delivery guy and I talked for 45 minutes about swords and he got fired. Now he lives here, we're gonna fight crime together#Food#Work0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
People who clap at the end of movies also join in singing "Happy Birthday" at a restaurant for a stranger#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
[restaurant] ME: Bottle of shiraz pls. It's my birthday WAITER: Your birthday? It's on the house ME: [looking up] Do you have a ladder or#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Free business idea: Female owned law firm & Japanese restaurant called "She Sue Sushi." (Our lawyers are slammin & so is our salmon)#Sue Sushi#Japanese Restaurant#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
My favorite Bible story is when Jesus feeds the multitudes after administering a drug test to make sure they deserve food.#Food#Religion0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
My boyfriend is taking me to a Spanish restaurant for dinner, I'm kind of scared, I don't speak Spanish, how will I know not to order dog#Spanish Restaurant#Animals#Dating#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is history, but can we at least keep the "Don't Tell" part around for people who love to talk about being vegan?#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Lifehack: dress your young children in the colors of the food you are serving them to avoid outfit changes.#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I don't feel strongly enough about anything to take the time to join a protest. Unless, maybe, there was some big threat against pizza.#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and buys healthy food... Now, I can't find anything to eat in the fridge.#Fridge#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Olive Garden's motto of "When Youre Here, Youre Family" makes sense bc I also try to make my family miserable by serving them terrible food.#Olive Gardens#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
No matter how powerless you feel, just think to yourself, one single pubic hair off of your body can shut down an entire restaurant.#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
She blindfolded me and said she was going to put heaven on my lips. I asked what kind of pizza it was. I woke up outside with a concussion#Food#Religion0🔗 ShareWhatsApp