Food Jokes

I'm opening up a restaurant called: I Don't Care, Where Do You Wanna Go?

Believe everything your tv tells you (sponges can talk, turtles eat pizza, love is real)

Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill

I don't know, the friend zone sounds like a cool place with pizza and laser tag

What can I get you to drink? "Pepsi" Is Peps- Uh one moment please [In kitchen, to manager] I don't know, he just said Pepsi. What do I do?

If you're stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.

Idea: a Chinese restaurant called You Dim Sum You Lose Some.

[Riot] "WHAT DO WE WANT" *far in the back* PIZZA ROLLS "No Jim we want freedom" "WHAT DO WE WANT" PIZZA ROLLS "JIM" But I'm hungry :(

Doctor: it's important to incorporate purple foods into your diet. Me: *eats purple cupcakes*

cat: mew me: actually its about games in journalism *cat continues to ask for food*

[highschool reunion] CLASSMATE: I'm a top chef. You? ME: I'm an avoca C: a what M: an avoca C: what's an avoca do M: a top chef would know

man...im so hungry i could- *i catch eye contact with a horse* "you could what?" *shows his gun* i could.. eat a sandwich "thought so."

This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.

"you are the only one who understands me" i whisper to a piece of pizza.

Barista: Can I get your name? Me: Lisa Barista: Pizza? Me: Yeah, that's fine.

You can stop advertising pizza and beer during football. People who watch football know about them.

Block the toddler from the kitchen while I sweep left, handoff the baby, pass you a bottle and take a shower. On 2. Go! Football parenting

If someone came to my door & said "We'll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink." I'd be living large.

My nephew asked, "What's the secret to a long life?" I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"

Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, "If I'm alive by then," and hang up.

Might buy a junkyard just to grow my own junk food.

God: I will create a being to cook, clean, serve and obey. Adam: what will it cost me? God: an arm and a leg. Adam: what can I get for a rib

The Venn diagram of "stuff I was supposed to do today" and "stuff I did today" is two separate circles and the second one is a pizza

Wife: I'll just have a salad. Waiter: and for you, sir? Me: I'll be giving her half of my food.

[Cannibal Restaurant] Waiter: Need anything else? Cannibal: No, I'm stuffed. I can't even finish this. Could I get a body bag?