Turkey Jokes

Jared Fogel walks into a Subway for lunch. The sandwich maker asks ""What kind of sandwich would you like?"" Jared responses ""I would like a Turkey sub."" The sandwich maker asks ""What type of bread do you want?"" Jared responses ""I want it with Italian Bread."" The sandwich maker then asks ""What size do you want it?"" Jared responses ""I want my sandwich like I want my women."" The sandwich maker says ""Okay, one 6 inch turkey sub with Italian coming up.""

I recently got addicted to this new only chicken diet Guess I'll have to go cold turkey if I want to stop.

What's the best way to prepare a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner? Just be *honest* with it man...

I started dating this girl online who says she's from Turkey but I'm starting to doubt her. It was definitely Instant-bull.

Easter joke Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, ""What is Easter?"" The blonde replies, ""Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful and stuff..."" ""Wrong!,"" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, ""What is Easter?"" The second blonde replies, ""Easter …

Three blondes arrive at the gates of St. Peter There's a lot of openings in heaven, so St. Peter decides to give them an easy test. He says to them, ""If you can tell me what Easter is, you can come in"" The first blonde says, ""Easter is that time in November where we eat turkey and are really thankful!"" St. Peter was surprised by this, but nevertheless he looked at the next blonde. ""Easter is that time in December where we celebrate Jesus' birth!"" she said. St. Peter was blown away. He look…

Easter Joke Three men are waiting for Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates to get into Heaven. St. Peter arrives and tells them they can enter Heaven but first he wants to ask them a question. He looks at the first man and asks ""what is Easter?"". The man says, ""That's easy. It is when you put up a tree and put presents under it and Santa comes.... Saint Peter interrupts him and says ""No, that is not Easter."" He looks at the second man and asks ""What is Easter?"" The second man says, ""That's ea…

I had to write a Geography Essay.. We had to write about a topic, so I picked ""Kenya solve world hunger with charity?"". I wasn't quite sure if I had a good paper, so I asked Jordan and he helped me Czech my work. We only had a week to Finnish the paper, so I spent the night working, eating nothing but a spare Turkey leg. I was so Hungary. I handed in the paper and my teacher seemed happy. Edit: I got my paper back, the teacher thought it was good, I got Denmarks out of 15.

Thanksgiving Poisoning A woman was arrested on Thanksgiving for trying to poison Mick Jagger and Keith Richard's Thanksgiving Day Turkey. When asked for the charges the officer replied, ""Trying to kill two stones with one bird.""

I was Hungary... ...So I Russia down the stairs, made a Turkey sandwich and had a chocolate Malta for dessert.

Chickens are Illuminati As of 2011 there is an estimated 19 billion chickens in the world or 3 for every person. What has 3 sides? A triangle. Where can you see triangles? The pyramids. Where are the pyramids? Egypt. What did Egyptians worship? Cats and dogs. Cats and dogs are rivals such as chickens and turkeys. When do people eat turkey the most? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a few weeks away from Christmas in the USA. What's on the other side of the world from the USA? Japan. What do Japanese…

With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask. If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?

If Russia invades Turkey from the rear.. Would Greece help?

turkey went out of the frying pan and into the fire only for Putin to put them in the oven

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to reheat the leftover turkey from last night's NYE dinner. I told her I quit hot food, cold turkey

My dad's addicted to christmas dinner But he's been cold turkey every meal since.

Trying to give up cold turkey It's hard though when there is so much left over from Christmas.

Turkey thawing father and son banter This isn't a joke so much as banter between my father and I this Christmas. Dad: I don't think the turkey is thawed. I bet if we stuck a meat thermometer in there it would be... Son: -273 Kelvin? Dad: Absolutely!

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll. My l…

I used to be addicted to deli sandwiches ...but I quit cold turkey

The Middle East Where you have to chose between a genocidal dictator or an extremist mob. (Well, except Turkey; they got it mostly together)

Daughter Meets Her Dad A young girl of a single mother came to her one day and said, ""Mom, I'd really like to meet my dad."" She thought about it for a moment and replied, ""You know what, you're right. I think you're ready."" Her mother walked into the kitchen, came back and handed the girl a turkey baster.

How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving? He's Russian to Turkey.

Obama had to phone Putin to arrange a meeting. They concluded they would meet over Christmas to arrange peaceful measures of retaliation in the current crisis. Worried about the food, Obama asked: ""What are you having for Christmas dinner, Putin?"" ""I think I'll have Turkey."" replied Putin.

Turkey and Russia Turkey is going to be Putin place by Russia.