What does my mom and a turkey have in common? They both died on Thanksgiving

My dad's addicted to christmas dinner But he's been cold turkey every meal since.

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll. My l…

A young couple is having their first christmas together and they're cooking a turkey. Just before they put the turkey in the oven the guy cuts an inch and a half off each end. His girlfriend asks ""Why did you do that?"" ""That's how my mom does it."" ""Why does she do it?"" ""I don't know."" So they phone his mom and she says ""That's how *my* mom did it."" So they phone the grandma and she says ""I had a small oven.""