1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. 3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included. 4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. 5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. 6. Stock up and save. Limit: one. 7. Semi-annual After-Christmas sale. 8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. 9. Mixing…

Mother Teresa died and went to Heaven. She found God waiting for her at the Pearly Gates. "Are you hungry?" God asked. "Yes, I could eat something," replied Mother Teresa. So God opened a can of tuna, reached for a chunk of rye bread, and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa glanced down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, chickens, lobsters and pastries. She was curious but said nothing. The next day, God again invited her to join him for a m…

Dad to kid: "Connor, eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*

"Always give your food a rinse before you eat it," my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches.