← Back to all jokes

Lawyer Jokes

Jokes

You can't beat Chinese doctors A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.' An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. Lawyer: ""I have lost my sense of taste."" Chinese: ""Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."" Lawyer: ""Ugh. this is kerosene."" Chinese: ""Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. G

0
WhatsApp

BEAUTIFUL? - joke A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, ""You're beautiful!"" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, ""You're cute!"" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of ""beautiful,"" it was ""cute."" She asked, ""What happened to 'beautiful'?"" His reply was ""The d

0
WhatsApp

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, ""All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don't know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars."" ""No,"" she says, ""I just want to sleep."" He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says if he gets it wrong he will pay her five hundred dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.

0
WhatsApp

John And OFFICER Very Funny john was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine. Officer: You were speeding. john: No, I wasn't. Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket. john: But I wasn't speeding. Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.) john: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk? Officer: Yes, you would. john: What if I just thought that you were? Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think. john

0
WhatsApp

A man traveling into the city One evening, a man who is traveling into the city encounters to a stop light with one of those new traffic cameras installed. As he approaches the light it is green, and then turns yellow as soon as he is passing, but as he passes he notices the camera flash and take his picture all before the light turns red. Confused, he decides to turn around and approach the light again, this time crossing as it is still green, and like before, it flashes as soon as he crosses.

0
WhatsApp

A priest, a school principal and a lawyer attend a friend's funeral... A priest, a school principal and a lawyer are present at the funeral of a friend of theirs. In his will, the deceased man left the priest, the principal and the lawyer twenty thousand dollars. Each was to place the twenty thousand dollars in the deceased man's casket for him to enjoy in the afterlife. At the wake, the three meet and the priest cracks first. ""I'm sorry to say it, but the church grounds require repairs and I t

0
WhatsApp

Pineapples An Englishman, a Spaniard, and a Frenchman were on a ship headed towards the New World. On their journey, they encountered a bad storm, and were shipwrecked. They awoke and found themselves on an island, tied up and captives of a cannibal tribe. The leader of the cannibals tells them that if they value their life, they can be released, but on one condition. Each of them has to run into the forest on the island, find ten fruits, come back and shove them up their ass without wincing, la

0
WhatsApp