Me: "I need a home improvement loan." Banker: "What will you be using the money for?" Me: "A divorce lawyer."

[at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody!

Why didn't the lawyer monkey make any money? Because he did all his work pro bonobo

A lawyer, a tax-man and a murderer jump off a cliff in a race to the bottom. who wins? society