Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolate? So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance. The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?" The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!" The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!" The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?" The Pope is flabbergasted, "What d…

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."

If you roll out your chapstick more than an inch, I'll see you in court.