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Holiday Jokes

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Santa is stressed... Many years ago on Christmas Eve, Santa Claus is preparing for his big day tomorrow but nothing is goin well. Half the reindeer are sick, the elves are behind on their work and Mrs Claus' mother-in-law just arrived for the week. But then an angel appeared at Santa's door with a Christmas tree just for him. Santa answered the door to find the angel in front of him. Smiling the angel said to Santa ""I found this tree to brighten up your Christmas, now where would you like me to

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This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, ""Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."" They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly s

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Three men die on Christmas Day As they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he explains that because they died on such an important day, in order to get into heaven, they need to show him something Christmas-y. They all look at each other, knowing that they don't have anything festive on them, so they would have to improvise. So the first man digs into his pockets, and pulls out a set of keys, and he shakes them and says, ""See? They jingle like jingle bells."" So Peter tells him that will work a

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