Holiday Jokes

Why don't blacks celebrate thanksgiving? It's hard to be thankful when KFC is closed

Roses are red.... Violets are blue-ish, If it weren't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish!

Finally came up with my new years resolution. I'm going to stop procrastinating!

The dirty joke my grandpa told unexpectedly at thanksgiving dinner Two cannibals are fighting over which one gets to eat a man. Eventually one cannibal says to the other, ""Look. Let's compromise. I'll start eating one foot and you start eating the other, and we'll work our way up from there."" The other cannibal agrees, so they get to eating. Eventually they both eat their way up to the hip area. The first cannibal looks over at the other and says, ""How you doing over there?"" The second canni…

What was the Islamic Star Wars fan for Halloween? Hijabba the Hut

I need to buy a 4k TV, no matter what. It's my new year resolution.

A man goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back. The host asks him, ""And what are you?"" The man says, ""I'm a snail."" The host says, ""And who's that on your back?"" And the man says, ""That's Michelle!""

We just had Christmas and now Easter is right around the corner. Hard to believe they crucified Jesus when he was only 4 months old.

""Mummy, why did you call me Rose""? The lady's daughter asked. ""well"" her mother replied ""when you had just been born your father bought me some flowers for Valentine's day, and a rose petal dropped on your head, so we called you Rose."" Her daughter, satisfied with this response skips away happily. ""Mummy!"" her second daughter said ""why did you call me Lily?"" ""well"" responded her mother ""when you had just been born your father bought me some flowers for my birthday, and a Lily petal …

Wanna know my New Year's Resolution? 4K, baby.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Just kidding... He hasn't unwrapped his present yet

Time zones are crazy On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.

Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve But he forgot to planet

Happy New Year #2018 first.

Happy New Years 2013! Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!

Happy new year!! Sorry I use internet explorer.

These three blondes where going to purchase a Christmas tree but they then decided to go into the forest to chop down a real one. The first blonde said ""I dont care how long it takes us I want a perfect tree."" The other two blondes agreed saying ""We won't leave untill we find the right one."" Three days later they were still searching. The first blonde looked at her two tired and hungry friends and said ""I promise the next tree we come across we'll chop it down and take it home and i wont ca…

My New Year's Resolution 1920x1080

Nobody showed up for my Time Traveler-themed New Year's party I guess I shouldn't bother with sending the invitations next week after all.

How does Times Square start the new year? By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! ""The audience can sing this one.""

Hats off to those people brave enough to wear those silly New Years hats at work. No... I meant take your hats off. You look stupid.

Happy New Year! Welcome to 20!

A boyfriend and a girlfriend are taking on New Year's Eve Girlfriend: What'cha doin'? Boyfriend: Watching the ball drop on my laptop. Girlfriend: Cool. What's your New Year's resolution? Boyfriend: 1080p

New Year's Eve Party *Two guys watching Mariah Carey's Times Square performance* Guy 1: ""Man, 2016 has been such a mess."" Guy 2: ""I know right. This year ended on such a low note I can't even hear it.""

One female office worker asks another if she's excited for Valentine's Day ""Nah, it's the same thing every year. My husband buys me flowers, and then expects me to sit with my legs in the air for the rest of the night,"" she replies. ""What, don't you own a vase?""