To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.

The best thing to do on New Years Eve is set the microwave timer with the countdown so the first thing that happens that year is Pizza Rolls

Girls hate it when you give them Christmas presents with an implied expectation, like an iron, a food processor, or knee pads.

This salad isn't going to toss itself. *winks* - Things you shouldn't say as you pass food around the Thanksgiving table :(