Hawaii Jokes

A married man goes to Hawaii, alone, on a week long business trip... He has a great experience there. Three days into the week, he texts his wife and writes, Hawaii is wonderful. But I wish you were *her*

The perils of wish-granting A man is walking along a beach and kicks something in the sand. He digs it out and finds an old oil lamp. He brushes it off and a genie pops out! ""For setting me free, I will grant you any one wish"" the genie declares. The man's face lights up ""I know what I want! I've always wanted to take a vacation in Hawaii but I'm deathly afraid of flying. Can you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive there?"". The genie replies ""A bridge to Hawaii? That's 2,300mi o…

Why do the birthers...? Why do the Birthers care about where Barack Obama was born (Hawaii, not Kenya) and not where Ted Cruz was born (Canada, not Texas)? Because Barack Obama is black.

Little Johnny jokes A teacher asks her class, ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"" Little Johnny says ""I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day"". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give imp…

A Chinese went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks.. A Chinese went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to a famous Hollywood producer, Steven Spielberg, who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol.After a round of beer the Chinese sensed that the famous producer was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash, the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the producer. Picking himself up, he yelled, ""What the hell was that for?"" The produce…

THE BIG QUESTION There once lived a very kind man who was constantly helping those in need. God noticed this ask spoke to him, ""You are very generous and I shall grant you one wish."" The man, overwhelmed, thought about it for a bit. Finally the man said, ""I wish for a bridge connecting California to Hawaii so I can drive my motorcycle to the Islands."" God said, ""Think about it my son. That is a very materialistic wish and would require much material from Earth."" The man thought it over a b…

If The Beatles were from Hawaii... What would they have called their song, ""Hello Goodbye?""

Rules of Hawaii Going to Hawaii and wearing a plastic garland as opposed one made with real flowers is the best way to tell everyone else you're a cheap lei

A special 25th anniversary. A husband and wife are eating dinner together, and the husband says ""Honey, I came up with something for us to do on our 25th anniversary coming up next month."" Surprised, his wife asks ""Really?! I can't believe you remembered it, let alone have a plan for us!"" The husband smiles at her and says ""I'm taking you to Hawaii!"" The wife was completely dumbfounded, they had never gone away on a vacation like that. She started to tear up and responded ""Oh, that sounds…

""Aloha, a bar,"" said a struggling alcoholic ex-Muslim in Hawaii.

Understand women There once was a man named John. He did a lot of praying and one day God saw this and came down to John. God said to him ""John you've been doing a lot of praying so I am granting you with one wish, ask for whatever you want."" John was very happy and said ""God I always wanted to go to Hawaii but I am scared of flying, can you build me a road from California to Hawaii so I can drive there?"" God then said ""John many people will die making this bridge because it is in middle of…

Asking the Big One Guy walking down a beach in California. Sees a bottle, picks it up. Rubs it. Out comes a genie. ""I'll give you one wish,"" says the genie. ""I'd love to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of boats, afraid of planes. I want to drive there, so build me a bridge to Hawaii."" ""Geeez!"" said the genie. ""I know I said 'anything,' but the amount of concrete and materials for such a bridge, the engineering, well, I'm afraid you've wished for something that's virtually impossible to do, e…

A guy finds a lamp walking through the desert... When he rubs the lamp a genie comes out and tells the man he has one wish and whatever he wants it will be done! The guy says to the genie that he is afraid of height and wants a bridge built from California to Hawaii. The genie replies that it would take all of his powers to build that bridge, and is willing to make any other wish come true instead. The man says, I wish to know how to understand women! The genie says, so do you want 2 or 4 lanes …

So there's a man riding his Harley. All of the sudden this man hears the booming voice of God. God says ""My child, you have been so good and true to me I would like to grant you just one wish."" The man thought for a moment and then he said ""God, I wish for a bridge that stretches from California to Hawaii so I can ride my Harley to Hawaii any time I would like."" God responded ""My son, I must admit that wish is quite materialistic, and the amount of energy and resources is exponential. Think…

3 Wishes A man in Victoria, BC on Vancouver Island is walking along the beach and he finds a lamp. Sure enough, when he dusts it off a Genie appears! ""Thank you sir for releasing me and as thanks, I will grant you 3 wishes. What is your first wish?"" The man says: ""A million dollar mansion overlooking this beach with all the amenities like a pool and landscaped yard."" ""As you wish!"" the Genie says and the mansion appears with them on the patio overlooking the beach and pool. ""And what is y…

3 Nuns Three nuns were on vacation and travelling in a bus. Sister Veronica was chatting with Sister Frances who was sitting next to her. Across the aisle was Sister Trudy. Sister Trudy was very hard of hearing and was leaning across the aisle and trying to hear what the other two sisters were talking about. Sister Veronica said, ""When I was in Hawaii last year, they had the hugest bananas I ever saw. They were humungous! This long!"" she said as she held her hands a foot apart, ""and this wide…

Probably one you've heard but: A man finds a genie in a bottle and gets a wish. ""What is your wish?"" Asks the genie. The man thinks for a moment and says ""well my girlfriend lives in hawaii and i live here in california, and i hate flying. Itd be nice to have a bridge. Can you build me a bridge to hawaii?"" ""Thats a pretty big wish"" says the genie. ""Can you think of something else?"" ""Alright"" replies the man. ""Can you explain women to me?"" The genies pauses a moment and asks ""do you …

What Did Delaware? -She wore her New Jersey! Why did California? -She called to ask Hawaii. Where did Chicago? -The same place Oregon Where has Oregon? I don't know but Alaska. She said she went to pay her Texas. What did Missisip? She sipped a Minnesota. What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas How did Wisconsin? He robbed an Oklahoma using a Kentucky. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NztfOSyCCFM

Dream Big A teacher asks her class, ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"" Little Johnny says ""I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day"". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to…

A guy is flying to Hawaii... He's unsure of the pronunciation, not sure if its ""Hawaii"" or ""Havaii"", so when he gets off of the plane, he looks for a local. He finds a guy that appears to be a local and asks him, ""is it pronounced 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii'?"" The local responds ""Havaii!"" The traveler then says thank you, that he was really confused and the local really cleared things up and the local replies ""you're velcome!""

What doctors really thinking? - This should be taken care of right away."" I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. - ""Welllllll, what have we here...?"" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. - ""Let me check your medical history."" I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you. - ""We have some good news and some bad news."" The good news is, I'm going to buy that …

The Mother of All Genie Jokes A truck driver decided to take a vacation to California. While there he went for a walk on the beach and tripped over something. After digging around a bit he pulled out a Lantern and said ""screw it I'll rub it"". After three rubs a Genie pops out and offers to grant him One Wish. Immediately the truck driver responds ""I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but I am afraid of water and scared to fly. I want you to build me a bridge from here to Hawaii."". To which t…

A man stumbles across an old lamp..... A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, ""OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"" The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, ""I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I g…

Build me a bridge A man was walking along a California beach and finds a genies bottle, he gives the bottle a rub and a genie appears and offers to grant him one wish. The man said, ""I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of flying and I get sea sick in boats. Could you build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive there whenever I want?"" The genie laughed and said, ""That's impossible! Think of the logistics! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of the con…

One of my grandpa's better jokes An old man is walking along the beach one day when suddenly God appears and says to the man, ""You know, you've been a good man and faithful to me all your life. I'm going to grant you one wish. What would you like?"" The man thought about it and said, ""Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there any time I want."" God said, ""I can't do that, there would be too many problems. Where would I even get all the steel from? Think of something else."" So the man say…