Hawaii Jokes

So a man finds a dirty lamp on the ground... and he starts to clean it, because he thinks it may be valuable! After a while of rubbing it a genie comes out, and says ""Hey! I'm a genie and normally i'd grant you 3 wishes but today i'm really tired, so I can only grant you one."" So after a while of thinking, the man says ""Alright, I've always loved Hawaii. I want a bridge that goes from my backyard to there."" The genie snorts. ""That's probably the dumbest wish I've ever heard! Make a differen…

Researchers in Hawaii recently put webcams on the fins of sharks so they could get a firsthand view of what the sharks see. The first thing they saw: a shark eating the guy who strapped a webcam on its fin.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said ""OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, ""I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a br…

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, ""Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."" Luther ask…

A couple of pals had the following conversation recently: ""Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?"" ""Yes, but you know how I've asked you the past 3 years for vacation ideas for me and my wife?"" ""Sure, I recall that."" ""I need to ask for something a little different this year."" ""Go ahead ... ask me."" ""Well, you know how last year you suggested Hawaii and when I returned my wife was pregnant?"" ""Yes."" ""And the year before that you suggested Bermuda and when I returned my wife was pre…

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young ladies. Much to his surprise, they all seem to be drawn to an old guy a little further down the shoreling. Our friend goes back to the hotel, hoping for better luck that night in a night-club. So he goes to the club, and he sees the same old man, surrounded by beautiful women. He pulls the old guy aside, and asked, "" man, what's your secret?"" The old man replies, "" I saw you on the beach today an…

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, ""Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."" The man said, ""Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."" The Lord said, ""Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do i…

A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe. The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence he coul…

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said ""OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, ""I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a br…

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, ""Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a 'lil bit different. The last few times, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Maui, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Bahamas and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again."" Luther as…

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just came from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red …

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, ""Where did you get that car???!!!"" He calmly told them, ""I bought it today."" ""With what money?"" demanded his parents. ""We know what a Porsche costs."" ""Well,"" said the boy, ""this one cost me fifteen dollars."" So the parents began to yell even louder. ""Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?"" they said. ""It was the lady up the street,"" said the boy."" I don't know her name--they just moved …

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, ""Where did you get that truck???!!!"" He calmly told them, ""I bought it today."" ""With what money?"" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche costs."" ""Well,"" said the boy, ""this one cost me fifteen dollars."" So the parents began to yell even louder. ""Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?"" they said. ""It was the lady up the street,"" said the boy. …

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York, and as she gave the agent her luggage, she stated, ""I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."" The confused agent said, ""I'm sorry, we can't do that."" ""Really? I am so relieved to hear you say that, because, that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!""

A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said ""You released me from the lamp blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said ""I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. ""Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I …

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info she asked ""Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?""

How many tax advisors does it take to change a light bulb? ""In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in Hawaii dealing exactly with this issue.""

What do cows wear when they're vacationing in Hawaii? Moo moos

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage she made the remark ""I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii and my red suitcase to London."" The confused agent said ""I'm sorry we can't do that."" ""Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!""

Why are there interstates in Hawaii?

There was a guy walking down the street in San Francisco and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp. He picked it up and hid it under his jacket because he thought it was priceless. While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in it rubbed against his shirt. POOF! A genie popped out of his pocket! The very angry looking Genie said ""All right I have had enough with this three wish stuff and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special I will only give you one wish!"" The surpr…

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park... A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof! He's gone. "Me ne…

The secret to women A man is walking down a beach in California, when he stumbles across a magic lamp A genie appears from the lamp and says, "Thank you sir for freeing me, in return i will grant you one wish." The man replies "I have always wanted to walk the beaches of Hawaii, but I do not ride planes and the trip by boat is to long. I wish for a highway from California to Hawaii." The genie looks at the man and replies, "A bridge that size takes to much magic, I am not powerful enough to …

The man that desired to understand women A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man thought for a while, and said, "I want a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Th…

At my friend's house, her dad told us these jokes called "Mama mama jokes." I expected old fashioned "Yo' mama" jokes. I got these. Mama, Mama, I don't like little brother! Shut up and eat what you're told. Mama, Mama, I don't want to go to Hawaii! Shut up and keep swimming. Mama, Mama, I don't like going in circles! Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor! Honestly, I'm scarred.