Billy Bob Jokes

Lance Corporals Two good old boys, Billy Bob and Cletus have been promoted from privates to Lance Corporals. Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Billy Bob says, ""Hey, Cletus, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in."" ""But we be only privates,"" protests Cletus. ""We're Lance Corporals now,"" says Billy Bob, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. ""Now, Cletus I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."" ""But we're privates,"" says Cletus. ""You blind, boy?"" asks Bil…

Billy Bob carries his young bride into the hotel lobby He's registering for a room when the manager says, ""I guess you'll want the Bridal?"" Billy Bob looks at him for a moment and says, ""Naw, I'll just hold her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it.""

Billy Bob decides he's gonna divorce his wife ... The local parson hears of it and pays Billy Bob a visit to see what the trouble is. ""So, I hear you're intending to divorce your wife,"" the parson says over coffee. ""Yep,"" replies Billy Bob. ""Has she been unfaithful to you, Billy?"" the parson asks. ""No sir,"" says Billy Bob. ""Fanny Sue ain't one to run around cheatin'."" ""Is she abusive to you?"" the parson ventures further. ""No sir. Never raised a hand to me."" ""Well, does she neglect…

Billy Bob kept hearing no from his dad When he was six, Billy Bob asked his dad to do ballet classes. His dad told him no, for it was a gay thing. When Billy Bob was ten he asked to go to cooking lessons. His dad said no because it was a gay thing. At sixteen Billy Bob asked his dad to start an interior design course and was told no, because it was a gay thing. At eighteen Billy Bob said he was starting architecture at university and his dad said no, for it was a gay thing. Now Billy Bob is twen…

Typical dumb blonde... Billy-Bob and Jimmy are standing at the base of a flag-pole, looking up and scratching their heads, when a beautiful blonde woman walks by and inquires about their purpose. ""We've been hired to find out the height of this here flag-pole, such that we might fit it properly with the flag of this great nation."" Billy-Bob replied, ""But we just don't have a ladder!"" The blonde looks up, turns around and walks off, only to return moments later with a screw-driver and measuri…

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, ""Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."" Luther ask…

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Billy Bob that she would send someone out right away. Where do you live?"" asked the operator. Billy Bob replied, ""At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."" The operator asked, ""Can you spell that for me?"" There was a long pause and finally Billy Bob said, ""How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?""

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, ""Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a 'lil bit different. The last few times, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Maui, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Bahamas and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again."" Luther as…

How to Save a Life Joe and Billy-Bob, two of the most country boys that ever did live, were sitting down in a resturant visiting the big city. The meal was going well until they saw a woman across the resturant stand up gasping and holding her throat. "Help she's choking!" someone shouted, and panic ensued. People were screaming, children were crying, and the poor choking woman was turning blue. Billy-Bob knew it was his time to act. He stood up, walked over the woman, pulled up her skirt and …

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If… * You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll." * Your Jedi robe is camouflage. * You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. * At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. * You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. * You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard. * The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. * Wookies are offended by your B.O. * You have ever used the Force to ge…

The Priest, The Minister and The Rabbi A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of a large, diverse University. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, …

Billy Bob applying for a job... Billy Bob is applying for a job at this big company and after the preliminary interview, one of the HR managers tells him: "You know, we'd love to take you, Billy Bob, we really do, but there's so many people applying for this job and you don't have any experience and don't have much of an education - you would have to have some connections to get it." Billy Bob replies: "Well, I know the senator, does that help?" The managers obviously don't believe him, so t…

An out of state traveler was walking along the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could barley see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride very badly, the guy jumped into the car and closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nob…

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this i…

Billy-Bob and Bubba were sitting in the back of their trailers, drinking beer and talking about life. Billy-Bob said: "If I snuck over to your house while you were out fishing and screwed your wife, and she got pregnant, would that make us kin?" Bubba scratched his head for a bit and then said: "I don't think so . . . but it sure would make us even."

Sue Ellen passed away so Billy Bob called 911. The operator promised to send someone out immediately and asked him where he lived. "Right at the end of Eucalyptus Road," Billy Bob replied. "Could you spell that for me please?" the operator asked. After a very lengthy pause Billy Bob said, "How 'bout I just drag her on over to Pine Street and y'all can pick her up there?"

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Billy Bob, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Billy Bob answered, "but I don't think my Pa would like me to." "Aw, come on boy," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but my Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Billy Bob thanked his host. "I fee…