First Person Jokes

The elevators are broken & I work on the 17th floor. Pretty sure I'm the first person ever to use the phone in reception to call in sick.

I'm tired and want to sleep, but I can't stop imagining how the whole scenario of the first person to pee on a jellyfish sting went down

Walk into a bar dressed as a bunny rabbit. Punch the first person who says something to you. You're a wild animal.

The first person who started winking at others was probably the creepiest human ever.

If I'm ever in an accident while driving and tweeting and you're the first person to arrive on the scene, grab my phone and press "Send."

First person to build a clock had no idea how long it took.

FIRST PERSON TO USE AN IRON: This battle hammer does wonders for my enemies' shirts!

To the first person who took their picture with their phone at the bathroom mirror, you are a pioneer. We salute you.

The Pope is hardly the first person to lose interest in their real job so soon after joining Twitter.

Start a slow-clap in a quiet, crowded room. The first person that joins you, marry them. They're your soulmate.

Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning. Facebook: Be the first person to like this.

Can we all agree the biggest balls belong to the first person to set up a tip jar at Starbucks?

I wonder what made the first person that ate an oyster look at it and think 'Im gonna eat that.'

Parish priest A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. ""I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told…

Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20. Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him. ""...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!"" exclaims Einstein. Of course, Newton is the first person he sees so he tags him. ""Gotcha, Newton!"" To which Newton responds, ""Nope. Pascal!""

The Oreo Joke This is a two part joke that is best told by two people in a social setting. The first person has to be willing to bomb a joke while the second person comes in later with the second part and saves the joke. **Part one** (make sure you open with a good joke or two then close with this first part and be excited about it) : An oreo delivery man is driving his truck on a road along the beach. After a while he hears *Rap! rap! rap!* on his window. He rolls down his window and sees an or…

A Russian in the USA A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, ""Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, and a free education!"" The passerby says, ""You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."" The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ""Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."" The person says, ""I not American, I Viet…

Moses joke Moses was the first person to use Control+C as a shortcut.

The truth about America... A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, ""Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"" The passerby says, ""You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."" The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ""Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."" The person says, ""I…

During a bank robbery The robber asks the first person in line if they just saw how he robbed the bank. ""Well, obviously I did, I mean it's not that I'm blind or anything"" the man says and BOOM the robber shoots him dead. ""And you, did you just witness this robbery?"" he asks another man in the line. ""No, I didn't, but my wife here did!""

Hellen Keller was the first person to go to Disney land. Don't worry, she didn't know it either.

If Trump wins tonight... He'll be the first person to go from P.O.S. to P.O.T.U.S.

A Russian arrives in New York City... A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, ""Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, and a free education!"" The passerby says, ""You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."" The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ""Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."" The person says, ""I not…

Sunset The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good.

3 people were stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean The first person is missing his family. His wife just had his son and he misses him very much. The second person is also sad because he had just got married yesterday. The third person however, can do nothing but smile. All of a sudden, a lamp falls out of the sky and onto the hands of the first person. Person 2: a lamp! Maybe there's a genie in it! Rub it! Person 1 rubs it and a genie emerges from the lamp! Genie: Thank you for freeing me…