First Person Jokes

What does a brain weigh these days? A man is laying in the hospital, waiting to be the first person in history to receive a brain transplant. A doctor comes in and says, "Congratulations! But unfortunately, since this is a new procedure, your insurance isn't going to cover it all. So we're going to give you 3 choices for brains and you can decide which you can afford." The man says to the doctor, "Okay, what are they?" The doctor says, “Well, first there's the engineer brain, that's $100 an …

Here’s my cake day joke Me: Bruce and I are teaming up for a 3 member mission and are looking for a second person. Would you like to join us? Them: Uhh... do you mean a third person? Me: Bruce is 3rd person, I is first person, you is second person

St. Peter is standing at Heaven's Gates when an angel comes to him with a message that he needs to attend to. Not wanting to leave the Gates unattended, he looks around for help. Just at that moment, he sees Jesus coming around the corner so he calls him over. "Hey Jesus, can you help me out? I need to take care of something. Could you manage the Gates for a while?" "Sure," answers Jesus. "Just tell me what you need me to do." St. Peter explains: "It's pretty easy. Every time someone wants…

This order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art.... Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below. Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, he hit upon a beautifully intricate note of pure magic. Everyone within miles just froze in mid action, stirred to the very core of their souls by the pure bliss of the tone. And all the realm realize…

The gynocologist turned mechanic... After 20 years in the industry, a gynecologist decides he wants to try something new, so he takes some classes on automotive work. After completing the final, which consisted of a written test and a practical, he asked his instructor how he did. "Well, you earned 150 points out of 100." The Instructor said. "How is that possible?" Asked the gynecologist. "Well, you aced the written test, so that was fifty points, and then you aced the engine rebuild, so th…

A bus full of ugly people crashes... A bus full of ugly people crashes. Everyone dies and goes to heaven, forming a line at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there and says, "Before you get into heaven, you get one wish." The first person in line says, "I wish I was beautiful!" Poof, they're beautiful, they get into heaven. The second guy says, "I wish I was beautiful too!" Poof, they're beautiful, they get into heaven. The guy at the end of the line starts to chuckle. The line gets shorter and sh…

NASA has just announced that the first person to get back to the moon is going to be a woman. So when all the men arrive, dinner will be ready.

Probably been here before, but I heard this one at summer camp The old man who lives in the tall bell tower needed someone to help him with ringing the bell, as he was getting too old. The first person who arrived was like the old man and was not strong enough to produce a loud sound with the bell. The second person who showed up was a boy who had no arms. The old man asked "How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?" The boy runs full-force into the bell with his head and it produces …

There was once, in a small town, a man named Don. One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives. The left half, more prone to rational thought, spent most of its time in libraries, and got an accounting gig. The right half, more creative, picked up painting, and taught pottery at the lo…

An Irish radio station An Irish radio station is having a contest: the first person to call in with an English word the DJ has never heard of will win €1000.

I invented a war game called ""Adam and Eve"". It's a first person shooter.

Is there more than one singular first person objective pronoun? Or is it just me?

Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns… …or is it just me?

Why is Jesus Christ the worst perosn to play first person shooters with? He takes three days to respawn

A Priest needs to go to the bathroom and asks for a Nun to hear the confessions for a while A Priest needs to go to the bathroom and asks for a Nun to hear the confessions while he is out. The first person to arrive it's a gorgeous woman

A local radio station is having a contest: The first person to call in with a word the DJ has never heard of will win $1000. So this guy calls in and when asked for the word

The Generic Ethnic Joke A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed stereotypical mannerisms. The first person acted in a manner consistent with the stereotypes associated with his ethnic group

Moses was the first person to use... ...Control-C as a shortcut.

Little Johnny is back In the class the teacher said: ""the first person to answer my question will go home early"".

A man walks into a bar with an octopus…... …. and bets anyone in the bar $5 that his octopus can play the hell out of any instrument they bring. The first person to accept brings a guitar

One day jesus was manning the gates for St Peter... One day Jesus was manning the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under. The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor. "Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea." Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand. Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?" Barry says "make it $1000".

r/Jokes Do you know any jokes told in the first person? I always enjoy a good joke told as if it actually happened to the person telling it. Know any good ones?

What did the parents say to the Rabbi after the circumcision?,"Keep the tip.... Note: I have a hard time believing I'm the first person to think of this but I did think of it on my own even if it has already been done.

What Did Kid Davis Say To The Lesbian Melons?,"you cantaloupe. i just thought of this. probably not the first person to but i certainly didn't steal it.