Parish priest A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. ""I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told…

Chinese Easter Around Easter, Catholic Church in China Town has just lost their caretaker. So the members of the church try to find someone who has both Chinese and Catholic roots. So they bring in three people to interview. They ask the first person, ""What is the significance of Easter?"" They answer *Chinese accent*, ""Eessa time... uhh... essa time when Christ turn water into wine."" The interviewers say, ""No, that is not what happened."" The bring in the second guy and ask him the same que…

Stuck on an island... **Not my joke, but we had so much fun with this one.** One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals. the cannibals said, ""if you do what we say, we wont kill you"". so the 3 people followed the orders the cannibals. So the cannibals said, ""go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see"". So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. the cannibals said, ""put the apples up your ass without making a facial expression"". The pe…

Gandhi and two other people go to Heaven... Mahatma Gandhi and two other people die and go to heaven. However, they're really far from the gates and must get there somehow. Someone comes up to them and says, ""I can get you a car to reach the gates. The car'll depend on how many kids you had when you were alive."" The first person says he had 2 children. The person replies, ""Well, that's not too many."" And whips up a sports car for him to drive to the Gates. The second person says that he had …