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Aging Jokes

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A burglar breaks into an elderly woman's house... Hearing the sound, the woman, familiar with the house layout in the dark and very brave, manages to sneak behind the burglar, grabs him firmly by the balls, gets very close to his shoulder and whispers: - Who are you? The man doesn't answer. The woman then puts more pressure and asks again in a soft whisper: - Who are you? This time, the man, curved by the pain, is capable of moaning and nothing else. Putting all her strength into her hands, she

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An Italian man is on his deathbed... An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. ""Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."" ""But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"" ""You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Then one-a day you g

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As Clean As Cold Water Can Get Them Larry went to visit his 86 year old grandfather in a very rural area. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, Larry's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon and eggs. Larry noticed a film like substance on his place, and questioned his grandfather asking, ""Are these plates clean?"" His grandfather replied, ""They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal"". For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, Larry

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Black Family The mother was in the kitchen preparing dinner, her young child approaches, grabs a handful of flour, put it on his face and smiling exclaims: look mama, I'm white!!!. The mother turns around, looks at him and slap him with all her strength, the kid looks at her surprised wile the mother says: you are a disgrace!! How there you make jokes about this!?!?Now go and show to your father. The kid goes to the living room where his father is watching TV and says in a half deflated tone: lo

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3 Squires Battle So there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. The second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. The first ki

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An elderly couple. A long one but good An elderly couple is worried that they are starting to fprget simple things, so they go to a doctor for a check up. The doctor looks them over top to bottom but doesn't find anything. ""It seems you two are perfectly fine so all that I can suggest is anytime you want to remember something, simply write it down"". The couple believe that's a great idea amd so they go home with renewed confidence. Later that evening, the couple are watching television and he

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Talking Dog A woman walks into the store and sees a flyer. ""Talking Dog Looking for a New Home. $10"" The woman thinks ""this is interesting, I should go check it out."" So she goes to the address listed and asks to see the dog. The owner brings her to the back yard where a black Lab is sitting in front of a dog house. The woman goes up and says Hi. ""Hello, how are you?"" says the dog in perfect English. ""Wow, you can talk!"" the woman says. ""Yes,"" says the dog. ""I learned how to talk when

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alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy brace yourselves so there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. the kingdoms

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The dirty joke my grandpa told unexpectedly at thanksgiving dinner Two cannibals are fighting over which one gets to eat a man. Eventually one cannibal says to the other, ""Look. Let's compromise. I'll start eating one foot and you start eating the other, and we'll work our way up from there."" The other cannibal agrees, so they get to eating. Eventually they both eat their way up to the hip area. The first cannibal looks over at the other and says, ""How you doing over there?"" The second canni

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Senior citizen with new Corvette A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. ""Amazing!"" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. ""I can get away from him. No problem!, thought the elderly nut

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