Larrys Jokes

As Clean As Cold Water Can Get Them Larry went to visit his 86 year old grandfather in a very rural area. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, Larry's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon and eggs. Larry noticed a film like substance on his place, and questioned his grandfather asking, ""Are these plates clean?"" His grandfather replied, ""They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal"". For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, Larry…

Insurance... Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, ""We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."" The agent replied, ""Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."" There was a long pause before Susan replied, ""Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.""

Funny story about christmas eve Pastor Tony is walking down the street on Christmas eve when he notices a Larry, a small boy, trying to press the doorbell of a house across the street. However, Larry is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, Pastor Tony moves closer to Larry's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives …

Yeah It is Result of Marriage Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. ""Yes,"" says Sally, ""a lock of my husband's hair."" ""But Larry's still alive."" ""I know, but his hair is gone.""

In Memoriam Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. ""Yes,"" says Sally, ""a lock of my husband's hair."" ""But Larry's still alive."" ""I know, but his hair is gone.""

Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket... Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. ""Yes,"" says Sally, ""a lock of my husband's hair."" ""But Larry's still alive."" ""I know, but his hair is gone.""

The man who knew everyone A friend of mine named Larry once told me, around the time of Bill Clinton's 2nd inauguration, ""You know, President Clinton and I are buddies."" I said, ""Sure you are."" He said, ""No, really! Just turn on your TV tonight to the Inaugural Ball. You'll see me."" Sure enough, I turned on the TV that night, and there was Larry, talking to President Clinton with his arm around the guy. Not long after, I was talking to Larry about how much I admired Johnny Depp as an actor…

The golfing funeral Larry's wife dies during the week and above his buddies objections he decides to play in his regular Saturday golf game. He says he ought to get out for a bit, golfing is good therapy. As they are set to tee off on 16, which runs along a busy road, a funeral procession passes by. Larry takes off his hat and stands at attention as the funeral procession passes. ""Larry, what are you doing?"" Larry responds, ""We were married for 26 years--at least I ought to show a little resp…

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!' The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!' Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem. The principal and the …

Larry's barn burned down and Susan his wife called the insurance company ... Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth. Susan after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.

Larry at the police station Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

Baseball A man, Tom was with his friend, Larry, Larry was about to die. "Let me know if there's baseball in heaven". said Tom. The next day as Tom was sleeping he woke up to Larry's voice. "Tom, I have good news and bad news." "What's the good news"? asked Tom. "There is baseball in heaven". explained Larry. "What's the bad news"? asked Tom "You're pitching Tuesday". said Larry

Today's Top Joke Tom was at the hospital visiting with his best friend Larry who was dying. Tom asked, "If there is baseball in heaven will you come back and tell me?" Larry nodded yes just as he passed away. That night while Tom was sleeping, he heard Larry's voice in a dream, "Tom..." "Larry! What is it?!" asked Tom. "I have good news and bad news from heaven." "What's the good news?" "There is baseball in heaven after all, but the bad news is you're pitching on Tuesday."

A man named Larry goes into a bar and orders a bottle of beer. Larry sits down and hears a bunch of noise in the background. Larry asks the bartender about the noise. The bartender tells him that they're playing barroom football. So Larry decides to go and check it out. He walks in and asks how to play and if he can play. A man named Joe tells him that in order to score a touchdown, you have to drink a can of beer within 10 seconds and to go for the extra point, you got to pull down your pants a…

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"