Aging Jokes

When I use my grandmother's cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she's way, way up there repairing the space station

No, Grandma. Still not married; but the lady in the Popeye's Chicken commercials keeps calling me "Honey" so we'll see where that goes.

Luke, I am your uncle. Luke, I am your third cousin. Luke, I am your grandmother. - Skywalker family reunion

Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana BATMAN! Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana BATMAN! -Me, sorting through my grandma's mail.

[taking a picture] Me: "Make love to the camera!" Grandma: "Don't make this weird, dear."

My grandfather is so racist he only eats white chocolate at Easter.

I wonder who I'll be racist against when I'm elderly. I hope it's robots!!

I would rather weave a suit out of my grandfather's pubic hair than "pull an all-nighter" with you.

(My wedding day) Grandma: You remind me so much of your father Me: Wow, thanks that means a lot G: Your father was a disappointment also

Twitter reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, 'Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?'

If my grandmother was on Twitter, I bet most of her tweets would be about raisins.

All these years you thought your grandma had Alzheimers, and turns out she just didn't want to talk to you.

Obviously we have our own shitty lives to worry about now but it would be fun to all move into a Twitter nursing home in 50 years.

My grandma used to say, "I'll give you something to cry about!", and then she'd toss a severed hand in my lap.

My grandma coined the term "TC" in 1988 to refer to her tuna casserole.

Coworker: I was named after my grandfather. Me: Of course you were, he was born first.

Me: I can't work today. Boss: Why? M: My grandma died. B: Our grandmas died 20 yrs ago. M: ... -Why working for your brother is a bad idea.

My grandma just broke her hip farting! #EpicFrail!

What idiot named her Miley Cyrus' grandma and not Nana Montana.

LEAVE ME ALONE GRANDMA I'M ENTERTAINING LITERALLY TENS OF PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET

I'm looking for a new nursing home for my mother. Something without phones or access to postage stamps.

RED RIDING HOOD: what big pupils you have grandmother WOLF: yeah I found some pills in the bathroom I love you they're unreal you want some?

Go ahead and cremate your grandma, you've urned it.

My grandfather told me that during the war he was exposed to irritants like pepper spray and mustard gas. Now he's a seasoned vet.

I'm pretty sure our nanny's grandmother has died like seven times now......