Aging Jokes

Every since my Grandma discovered Netflix she's been calling me w/ suggestions like "ok write this down, it's called Friends, F-R-I-E-....."

[Jack Black's birthday] Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma. "How is Rock School going dear?" It's School of ro- *sigh* nevermind.

ME: I can't come in to work. My grandma died BOSS: your grandma has died 4 times this year ME: yeah she's a cat

Are we stopping for ALL pedestrians now? I can understand kids & the elderly. But everyone else should be able to dodge cars.

Me: will I find true love? Ouji Board: A R E Y O U H U N G R Y Me: dammit grandma not now

You'd think strip poker would be more fun but Grandpa is horrible at cards.

WHY IS THAT COTTON CANDY TALKING?! "Grandma, that's Niki Minaj."

The best part about Christmas Eve is when grandma gets drunk and tries to fight everyone.

The Notebook (2004) A stranger harasses a nursing home resident with stories about people she doesn't know (PG-13 2hr 3min)

the worst part of senior prom was definitely dropping my date and my grandfather's ashes going EVERYWHERE

"911, what's the emergency?" we were robbed. they stole the wireless router "calm down" also they shot my grandma or something. not sure

Apparently I took my elderly neighbor's offer to "come inside" a bit too far. Anyway, totally in jail.

girl are u a hyperlink in an email from my grandma, because I think u gave me a serious virus

I was raised by my grandfather clock because my biological clock was never there.

My mother retired and moved into a CVS.

Gonna pay my grandma $100 to slip "Syrian Refugee 1 and 2" onto the Thanksgiving seating chart to piss off my uncles.

Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he's- Son: Dad please don't... Dad: Lawn gone.

Please stop praying for my grandpa u are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their tasers don't work on him :(

Elderly woman ahead of me at Subway is paying for her lunch with nickels and now I don't even give a shit about health care reform.

How do you say "No, I'm full" in Grandmother?

"BALL SO HARD MUTHAF--KAS WANNA FINE ME." "Grandma, just pay the parking ticket..."

[Ouija board] GRANDMA WHERE IS YOUR COOKIE RECIPE

Grandma's funeral ft. Pitbull

me: I want to travel to the victorian era & meet a real gentleman [takes time machine back to 1860 England] man: 31? what are u my grandma?

It's like my Grandpa used to say ,"The fight with grandma isn't over until I fill her pillow with spiders and she gives me back my teeth."