Twitter Jokes

Reddit, Facebook and Twitter should merge into one company called Bridge. To bring more awareness to Bridge Trolls

Don't forget the 3 most important factors in choosing the right words for a ubiquitous real estate mantra: Locution, locution, locution. *twitter: @chippedbeef*

Why does Brendon Rodgers hate Twitter? It only allows 140 characters

Edward Snowden just joined Twitter. Almost immediately he got more followers than the NSA. Luckily for the NSA, they follow a lot more people than Snowden.

I just joined Twitter; it's really easy to follow people. Too bad it cuts into my exercise.

Twitter... it's for the birds!

It's a good thing George R.R. Martin has a Twitter... If there's one thing he can do, it's wasting 140 characters at once. ^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out

Kanye's motivation to run for president . . . Mayweather's facebook page and twitter account! You can have them even if you don't know what is in them.

How do Baroque composers tweet? Through their twitter Handel! ..... I am so sorry

Witty Vachan on Twitter, This is hilarious https://twitter.com/WittyVachan/status/636626830607282176

Dad, i am going to marry Daughter: ""Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK . We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessings and good wishes."" Father: ""Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with you…

So, they're going to combine Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter into one website. It's going to be called ""YouTwitFace"".

My own social media I haven't got a computer, but I was told about Facebook and Twitter and am trying to make friends outside Facebook and Twitter while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passers by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do fort he rest of the day. I give them pictures of my wife, my daughter, my dog and me gardening and on holiday, spending time by the pool. I also listen to their conversations, tel…

What do you get when you sleep with all 140 characters of twitter? A rashtag.

Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook? Because he only had followers. Not friends.

Why didn't George RR Martin (GOT author) use Twitter? Because he killed all the 140 characters.

Why doesn't George R.R. Martin use a Twitter? Because he kills all 140 characters.

I almost forgot to wish a happy St. Patty's day to... ...Barack O'Bama Got this from Neil deGrasse Tyson's Twitter.

A group of friends decide to create a punk rock band... ... and they decided to name the band after an obscenity. Since these friends were totally uncreative, they decided to name the band 'Shit', because their music was the shit. They stayed true to the classic, three-chord punk everyone from the 80s was familiar with. Shit started getting popular in their city. When critics caught wind of their first studio album, they saw Shit as a revival of classic punk, launching the band from small gigs t…

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands. I like this joke because it never grows old. -I saw this on twitter today and laughed, so I thought I would share.

I am going to make a new app that will be like Twitter exclusively for kids! It will be called Sesame Tweet.

What does the twitter bird drink? Twater!

What does the twitter bird do when it needs money? It goes to Twerk!

Jesus wouldn't have been good at Twitter He would've only had twelve followers.

.. How are you on your grind, if you're on twitter all the time?