Twitter Jokes

Dennis Rodman will be returning to North Korea this summer... to ""hang out,"" ""have fun,"" and ""watch the world end by North Korea's mad hand."" (Jokes for the week of 4/13-4/19 @fridayupdate on twitter.)

So the Pope joined twitter so he can ""Reach out to a younger generation."" He is certainly not the first Catholic to have done that.

I heard there are only 140 characters allowed on Twitter, but that can't be true. I've been on there before - almost everyone is a character.

BBC News: Internet trolls face longer sentences. The news comes as Twitter have announced they will be increasing the number of characters from 140 to 200.

Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike

Following someone on Twitter and complaining about what they tweet about is like phoning someone to tell them you don't want to talk to them

Twitter is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.

Your face on Facebook and twitter : ( `) . In real life : ( () )

Why people use Twitter: because updating 100 times a day on Facebook is not socially acceptable.

Miracles do happen even on Facebook and Twitter. Come Sunday and suddenly everyone becomes a preacher.

Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend.

No LinkedIn, I do not want to display my Twitter on my profile. I would actually like to keep my chances of getting a job above zero.

""Game of Thrones"" author George R. R. Martin joined Twitter this week. He already has 80,000 followers and that's just the cast of ""Game of Thrones.""

I haven't got a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers but I think 2 are cops.

Please take your b itching about the weather to Twitter. None of us here goes outside anyway.

Roses are red, Twitter is blue, you look bangable, so I'll follow you

Anyone else think they should limit Oscar acceptance speeches to 140 characters like Twitter?

Just unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter. Expecting a song within the hour

I was worried because I heard a beep and didn't know if it was my cell, iPod, Wii, Skype, Facebook, email, Twitter or TV. Thank God it was just the fire alarm.

God has no Phone, but I talk to him. He has no Facebook, but he is still my friend. He does not have a Twitter, but I still follow him.

China has blocked Twitter. Now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I'm having for lunch.

I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account... ...so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops.

Twitter is just LinkedIn for the chronically unemployed.

Twitter is my 'serious' account. My Bank account is the 'joke' one.

Welcome to Twitter - if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you.