Twitter Jokes

I've decided to delete my Twitter. I keep feeling that people are following me.

One day Facebook YouTube and Twitter will merge.

Donald Trump on Twitter: ""The Theater has always been a safe place"" Abraham Lincoln: ""Dude""

I told my doctor I was addicted to Twitter He said ""I don't follow you""

Why does George R.R Martin never use Twitter? Because he killed all 140 characters.

Why doesn't George R.R Martin use Twitter? Because he killed off all 140 characters.

Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter? There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

So the Asian guy from the Human Centipede has a Twitter account... He's not very popular though. He only has two people following him.

Why doesn't Pacman use Twitter? He doesn't like being followed.

"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers" -New York's most hated cab driver Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter

Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay" Mom: *staring at dad Dad: ...*clenches fists Mom: ...don't! Dad: *sweats profusely Mom: Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD Kudos to @Lerky on Twitter

How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?,"A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, ""Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?"" His friend says, ""Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!"" The student says, ""So you're saying if i find her i can take her?""

How can you tell an ant's gender?,"Edit: Sorry about the repost, heard this joke from a friend, who, in turn saw it on Twitter. :):

Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have Twitter? Because he would just kill off all 140 characters.

What's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones? Twitter only allows 140 characters.

Why doesn't George RR Martin use twitter? Because he killed all 144 characters -stolen from

Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter? Twitter only allows 160 characters

Why was Game Of Thrones banned from twitter? Because twitter has an 140 character limit.

What does Mike Tyson eat after a long time on twitter? Tweets of course! ....and then your family.

Did you hear the CEO of Twitter got in trouble for buying shares of rival companies? I guess it was a conflict of Pinterest.

How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom? A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"

Do you know what Twitter is? It's the spot between your twat and shitter.

Why Twitter deleted so many terrorist accounts recently? Otherwise they'd kill all the 140 characters.

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease? Because the condition was untweetable.

What's the different between Twitter and Game of Thrones? Twitter has a character limit