Twitter Jokes

And I thought I had issues. - Me, 36 seconds after signing up on twitter.

Twitter is working worse than a dollar store pregnancy test.

Was gonna go to the gym but then I checked Twitter. In 2009

The new fun way to tell if a celebrity is crazy is by how many times they delete and reactivate their Twitter account.

Someone should invent a version of Twitter for people who spell things like rappers. They could call it "twita". Dat would b nize

I saw your ""a woman walks into a store joke"" and this is mine A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, ""This parrot costs $500"". ""$500? Why is it so expensive?"" ""This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"" ""really? wow! and how much for the second one?"" ""$2000!"" ""$2000?"" ""Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type te…

Doctor, Doctor, I'm addicted to twitter... Sorry, I don't follow you.

What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter? The rogue one

Why isn't George R.R. Martin allowed on Twitter? He only has 140 characters to kill

I wish 'twitter' was an irregular verb so we could conjugate it thusly: twitter, twat, twitten huehue

One day Facebook, YouTube and Twitter will merge. It will be called YouTwitFace.

If 2016 had a twitter account it should have one of those ""If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"" bios Because 2016 is a crazy bitch

A man goes to his doctor and says; Doc I think I'm addicted to twitter. Doc: Sorry, I don't follow you

How can you tell an ant's gender? 1. Get a glass full of water 2. Throw the ant into the glass 3. If it sinks, it's girl ant 4. If it floats, it's boy ant Edit: Sorry about the repost, heard this joke from a friend, who, in turn, saw it on Twitter. :):

My recent letter from the BBC read... ""Thanks for entering your wife into our new quiz show. However, we feel you may have misread the title? The show is actually called ""Fact Hunt"" Credit @ShitJokes via Twitter.

I'm sorry, Black Lives Matter is actually a peaceful and forward thinking movement that our society needs... Now if you could all stop sending me death threats on twitter that would be great.

Someone should create a Trump parody Twitter account... That only retweets all the stuff he actually posts

Why don't Game of Thrones characters tweet with Twitter? They were ravin' with Raven.

Pick-up Line How 'bout you come to Myspace, so I can Twitter you with my Yahoo then Google all over your Facebook?

Don't follow Rockin Robin on twitter Apparently all he does is tweet tweet tweet

So today is International Women's Day It was supposed to be yesterday but they took too long to get ready. ^^stole ^^this ^^from ^^twitter, ^^sorry

Joke What do Twitter drama and football have in common? They are both interesting to watch.

How is Twitter like Game of Thrones? There's 140 characters, and they are all terrible.

Pizza Perils A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread Domino's: We're sorry to hear about this!

Me: One jet ski please Clerk: You're in luck, they're half price today M: Is there some kind of sale on? C: No you idiot, they use jets! Credit where it is due: this joke lovingly stolen from Sean Leahy @thepunningman on Twitter.