Technology Jokes

*phone rings Me: Hello? Telemarketer: Hello how are you today? Me to son: Come here baby, SpiderMan is on the phone!

My son got mad unfollowed me... I disconnected his phone. -I win

I think twitter is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.

I'm writing code, not making diamonds. Continuing to apply more and more pressure will not produce a better outcome.

Last call for me is when my phone is at 10% battery.

[phone] WIFE: Where the hell are u? ME: Well u know that jewellers where u saw that ring u wanted? W: OMG M: I'm in a bar not far from there

Accidentally pronounced wifi as "wifey" and the hotel concierge said the password's helping out around the house and being a good listener.

*Librarian walks in* You know what's great kids? You don't need wifi to read a book! *Kids boo* *Someone in the crowd yells "NERD"*

A real boyfriend will blow up his girl's phone when she's mad at him. She may not want to answer, but at least she'll see his effort.

Scientist: we've finally taught a dog Morse Code Dog: [taps paw] Me: what did it say? Scientist: "woof"

I'm thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there's this thing called Google now.

I copied my Match.com bio from a used car website. - White. - Good condition. - Reliable. - Cheap. - Some evidence of rear end damage.

Today I saw a homeless man pick up a brochure for a computer repairer. I guess he's having computer problems?

Why-Fi: The existential Internet connection.

20 yr old mom: my child is my life I would give my own life for him 40 yr old mom: GET OFF THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW OR I WILL END YOU

I'm not sure what 'First World Problems' means so I tried to look it up on my phone but I can't get 3G service here and my life is horrible!

They call them "reality shows" but none of them are about drunk people scrolling through meaningless crap on the internet all night.

My daughter just asked for a Samsung Galaxy phone. Had to sit her down and explain to her we aren't poor. #iPhone

You only live once, so don't forget to spend 15 hours every day on the internet, desperately searching for the validation of strangers.

hello secretary? i need you to go to that website where you can combine pokemon and combine mew and squirtle, print it out and bring it here

An app that tells you how Raven something is.

If it looks like a duck, Sounds like a cat, And walks like robot, You took too many pain killers.

GOODBYE WORK COMPUTER HELLO HOME COMPUTER

When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.

*gets sentenced to 25 years in prison* *opens twitter app* *looks up* *being released*