Technology Jokes

After a few days with family, a padded cell with WiFi sounds like the perfect getaway.

"911 what's your emergency?" - I've been catfished by a dozen men "We're on our way" - Gonna arrest them? "Gonna shut off your internet"

Sometimes you have to put your phone down and take a look at what's around you.. And wonder how you drove your car into a swimming pool.

Some woman at my office just said Star Trek when we were all talking about Star Wars and now our IT guy is refusing to fix her computer.

Considering our obsessions with cats and emojis, the internet really is the new ancient Egypt.

*on phone* He: so where is this going, babe? Me: *dumps pop rocks into mouth* I can't hear you...reception's bad!!

"you okay man?" listen dude... i know what im doing *lights a cigarette backwards* ive seen Guy Code like six times

My neighbors wifi isn't working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?

Enjoying Starbucks' free WiFi with my MacBook and flannel shirt while listening to a band you've probably never heard of.

Does anyone else's smart phone make periodic ringing noises?

I bet my fish rolls his eyes when I tell people on the phone how busy I am.

*stands near cute dude in store* ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*

If I ever lost my phone I'd rather just start a new life in another city.

I named my hard drive That Thang, so once a month my computer asks me if I want to Back That Thang Up.

To whoever has my old phone number: I truly hope you're enjoying those texts from that guy I met at that thing

I dated a 21 year old for 3 months before she looked up from her phone and realized I wasn't Tobey Maguire

Set your phone alarm to a song you hate. You won't hit snooze, because then you'd have to hear Nickelback again.

if i'm bleeding out in an alley & you approach me w/an app that would save me, but i'd have to login using facebook, i'd be fine w/just dyin

#IHaveJustEnoughMoneyTo pay my phone bill so I can call my credit card company to tell them I don't have money to pay them.

As soon as they heard the flush, my phone interview took a drastic turn.

Thank you Internet stranger for your honorable proposal of marriage. My folks are so excited. They're asking for Thanksgiving and Easter.

Relationship status: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, YOU CALLED A STORMTROOPER A ROBOT

An app that scans phone lines for fax machines and sends the word "why".

I remember my first internet boyfriend. I was 13, he was 55. <3

Just used my phone to record my wife snoring. She'd kill me if I ever played this in front of her friends. So... I guess this is goodbye.