Technology Jokes

[Boss' office] "You're late AGAIN." Drove back for my phone. "Why do need it at work?" It's all I do. "WHAT?" I said, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

Something just came up on my computer asking if I trusted it, and now we're running away to start a new life together.

VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year

Using the domino's pizza tracker app seems like a great way to carjack someone you know isn't going to put up that much of a fight

[cat support technician] Me: So you're here to fix my computer? Cat: *nods* Me: Great, here it is. Cat: *lays on keyboard & falls asleep*

The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.

The software development process i can't fix this *crisis of confidence* *questions career* *questions life* oh it was a typo, cool

I don't really like to exercise. To get my heart rate up, I hand my phone to someone else to borrow while I leave the room for 5 minutes.

WebMD has a mobile app now. An app!!! A quick, easy and convenient way to diagnose yourself with cancer anywhere!

Just put my phone on airline mode. That's when it delays your texts for no reason & acts like it's doing you a favor when it does send them.

The Great Gatsby was so unrealistic. So many people at those huge parties and not once did anyone ask for the wifi password.

Me: Hello darkness, my old friend. Darkness: New phone, who dis?

I hate when my phone corrects "hood morning" to good morning. Maybe I meant hood morning. Maybe some thug shit has happened today.

History: delete Pics: delete Texts: delete Kik: delete "Why yes, you can use my phone for a second."

The two most horrific words on the internet are "Begin Slideshow."

If you're with me when I die, remember 2 things: 1) Do Not Resuscitate 2) Smash Phone on Ground

*puts on Rocky theme music* *cracks neck* *cracks knuckles* *stretches* *jogs in place* *picks up phone to call mom*

A fun thing to do when you're done dating someone is just disappear completely and pretend you've lost your phone and died

Man's guide for a selfie: 1) Squint your eyes like your cool 2) Look off into the distance 3) Put your phone down 4) Don't take the selfie

Other than Superman and the homeless has anyone used a phone booth in the last 10 years?

When a Nokia phone warns you about low battery, you have at least 1 month to find where the charger is lying in your house.

Sunday is a great day to curl up with a good book and completely ignore it because, ya know, the Internet.

My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.

Interviewer: says here you have a military background Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti

Caller: Is Mr. Rock available? Me: Yeah, hold on. *hands phone to 5yo* Me: It's grandma, buddy. Tell her about Caillou.